Day,Night,Dusk,Dawn, Life Continues

Momenories

2007-01-02T01:19:00.000-08:00

Dead Blog

there will not be any updates on this blog anymore

New Blog

http://momenories.blogspot.com

Term Break - La Guitare

2006-12-19T08:38:00.000-08:00

Time flies fast, the next moment you know while approaching a busy period is when you actually felt carefree after it.

My last update was during the early nov, now, it's mid dec, closing in xmas. Just how i wonder why we chinese cant hang the new year's decor thruout the years, it just seem to fly pass 1 by 1 in quick sequence.

Recently, i had just finished my CT exams which was quite a breeze. Exam week always seem to be the fastest to finish.

Prior to the CT week(9), i had La Guitare Concert on week 7. The annual concert never fails to bring everyone together as a group it compiles everyone with common interest, striving them to put in their fullest of efforts to give a good show for everyone. Who would participate in a poor concert whereby everyone may fell they could've been better off at home?

Although i would say that this year's concert is not as fulfilling and joyous compared to our 1st on 2005, it still proves to be something that have eternal value to look forward to. I have always loved the feeling of practicing hard before the concert, it just feel so pleasant whenever we achieve something.

Last year, we were struggling with our 2nd ensemble piece - Happy Together, it was so terrible that even in our final rehersal, we could easily tell the inferiority. But everyone worked as a group, so much so that i still cherish that feeling till this present day. Eventually, we performed much better during the actual concert, although the recorded video sounded otherwise, we felt the sensational feeling of achievement to produce something not expected during the day of importance afterall.

Since then, some of us lost the passion for guitar due to perhaps, the lost of faith of being able to play the guitar, the lack of time or that the ensemble practices are just too boring which i wouldnt disagree. We are splitted up into guitar parts, and are mostly concealed into those groups till the concert rehersal days closes in.

Nevertheless, I do hope that everyone of us could play together again for the last concert in our last poly year - La Guitare 2007. Those are moments most cherishable in life.

This year, i was involved in a quadruplet, with zuyi, jx and gab. I was worried about it as we entered the week of rehersals and concert. We did not practice together(4 of us) for more than twice as i could remember. We were badly off the pace and did not actually finish playing the whole piece as a whole. It felt as though it was better to cancel the item although i would have dreaded it. But we practically practiced thruout the whole of all rehersals whenever we were able to.

Slowly, we practiced and eventually finished playing the song as a whole, and tried to work on the dynamics. It was great that all 4 of us just wants to play the piece better everytime we did play and to seek perfection.

The greatest moment while practicing was when we were at the coridor of the holding rooms - Our instructor(Michael) happened to pass by to listen. We played with such great emotions and felt as though the music came alive, crying while in sorrow, and roaring with cheers during joyous parts, the instructor praised us, much better than the lots of times we had been playing, and we knew it. After we finished the piece, the feeling was so sensational that we could just sit there to enjoy that moment.

It has to be the 1st time i felt such sensation while playing the guitar, my heart pounded as though it was out of control. We just felt the music inside us.

However, we did badly during the concert, gab missed the starting bar, i knew it and tried to notify zuyi by whispering, but he got lost for a moment and only got back during the melody portion. I too screwed up two chords, i have been sight reading the chords did not memorise till the last minute, this eventually backfired as we agreed not to put out the files. Although some disappointed comments came from Andri and Michael who heard the errors vividly, we perhaps, can derive some relieve that it sounded alright to our friends who came for the concert.

The concert came to a fine end, although it was very short(1hr or so), most of the audiences should be able to leave with a pleasant impression judging from the feedbacks of my cliques yea?

*Sometimes, you just wish that somethings could have been redone. Sometimes, you just wonders whether somethings could have been better off with a different approach. But most of the time, you could only wonder and accept reality. Whether it may be better or not, it's always good to take things in our stride and move on, regardless of the countless regrets we may have thought about, it's just part of life which never fails to convince us that we cannot encounter or experience everything. It is only best to look at precious moments instead of regrets*

Zhu, here's the update as promised
no Bian Tai stuffs for u, just la guitare :P

October Ended - Complains

2006-11-06T07:11:00.000-08:00

Finally, a break after a hectic week in school - Week 3 was a suffer. I had to rush out my report, a supposedly easy report that seemingly became harder as the days went by. I had only a vague idea of wats the thing i got to write a report on is about, i couldnt find anything constructive in the webs and it became inevitable that i would have to burn midlight oil to finish the report due to all the comps breaking down one by one after the bdays - 1 comp left! Nevertheless, i was fortunate enough to find a detailed pdf file the day before submission.

Wednesday was terrible too, the lack of sleep drained my mind and i 4got to bring the clubrm key along with me to school, so after i assisted han with his studies as promised, i made a trip back home, take the keys and rushed back for the inventor training - it's weird, i was feeling quite finely prior to the bus trip back to school, but as i got up the bus and sat on the seat, all my energy just seemed to have dissipated, dozing off with a spineless head.

During the inventor training, it was just pure foul luck that he gave us some harder designs to work on, it wasnt actually that hard, but the commands used are different, and i wasnt in the right mood to actually derive any fun from it as i would have liked.

Also, guitar practices are getting boring without new pieces to work on, it's like playing repetitively like a record, of coz, not perfect, and it makes it even more boring that the distorted sound in some parts we play kept on repeating itself as well. I know only practice will make the pieces we play better, but new pieces for us to work on are certainly what brings fun into the ensemble, and we are lacking it with the concert coming up, time to finalise everything!

Back at home on that ill-fated day, i broke a bowl whilst scooping some icecream! And it just sums up my day till i finally finish the report late into the next morning.

An sms during that day spoiled my day as well

I fully agree that friends should help each other, else what are friends for? certainly not to make use of each other as many would suggest as we grow into the society, my opinion that is, there'll still be true friends around.

But what i don like is the irresponsibility portrayed by YST, AGAIN. She asked me to do her project for her. And when i told her i havent do mine as well, she just said "i'll be reaching home at 1am loh, 4get it." The "4get it", it was very disturbing to me! it sounded as though i owed her, it sounded as though i am a villian by not helping her, it sounded as though i'm a selfish idiot who care less about friends.

1stly, that's the day just before submission, i havent written anything for my report, have had tonnes of difficulties finding a web to provide info for me to write on, got to wait till my bro sleep to use the comp, which probably is arnd 12am++?

2ndly, she jollyful went to work, earning her pay while knowing she got a report to finish, i warned her before about it, but the only thing she says is, kenneth, can help me do?

Everyone has their own problems, but to know that u have a work to complete and yet do nothing about it except trying to attain a saint's help is just pure irresponsiblility.

And it just sickening me to be somehow branded the villian instead of her own selfish irresponsible acts. I wouldnt mind helping friends at all to edit their work or improvise on it, but i mind helping people to do everything without them showing any concern or care for their own work! And i am really sickened to actually think and witness such behaviour.

To make matter worse, her attitude when asking for a webpage that night showed that she blames me for not helping her. What did i owe her? i wouldnt even wanted to help edit her work at all actually, with such impression of her self centered behaviour, but it was horribly copy and paste from web, yea, cant stand it again, it's like she expected, or expects me to edit it for her. If she really cared for her work by asking for help, why don show that little hints of it. I would be more convinced to fulfilling to help then.

That's the past and i wrote here to express my feelings and opinions then, not to complain about it anymore.

Another thing is that i felt as though i am taken for granted by some people, and i dislike it. What had i done wrong to deserve that lack of respect? i don remember offending u, and so it was hard to swallow that instance. I was merely asking a question, and i got a fired up interruption, wat? expecting a taunting remark or smt by most people that would rattle them happily at u? if that's so, u brought them upon urself, and u can blame no one. Or did i ask sinful question? i don think so, it's a normal reaction for u to react that way isnt it? Thats so childishly insensitive - Pissed certainly. Be it petty, i wouldnt bother without an apology. I have done nothing wrong.

It's reaching my limit already, if i am taken for granted, it means the lack of respect, sensitivity and care about me isnt? so why would i bother being nice to people who treat me like nuts. Freak.

Irritating week,
pardon my complains if it irritates u.

School Started

2006-10-23T05:46:00.000-07:00

School-
Sch started last week, mostly introduction of modules to be taught and learned, the lectures and tutors seems great, no high pitch voices that would tear your ears even if you are determined to optimize your concentration, no fussy pickers that would spend probably more time to fuss than to impart some knowledge. Most seems fine, but in all white sheeps, there'll always be one coated wolf. He's my "electrical machines? (no idea if it's the right name)" lecturer. Amazingly, with all the advance technology in modern day world, he opted not to use a microphone for his lecture class, relying on his faint voice to teach. Complains rang around, but he just blushed it aside, abide to stay ignorant or totally engrossed with his lecturing stuff. Worse off, when students came in late 45mins into the lecture threatre, he asked in somewhat a sarcastic manner "you know what", i mean, how long has he been teaching? Engineering course? there're sure people who would jolly well do that once awhile, utilising the warning letters before debarment, and he must have derived some fun with sarcasm knowing students would normally just shut it and hope he continues with the lesson. In fact, he raised his voice and went rattling on for 10+mins, probably 20? babbling with a childish tone insulting students - although i have forgetten much of the details, i got a disgusted impression of him because of that. Yes, and to be fair to him for any slightest manner, he raised his voice because mark said he couldnt hear him whilst he was "sarcastitating" about those students who came in late. Mark wasn't one, but he did choose the wrong time to disclose his problem.

That was in his lecture on the 1st day of school, but as it went on, i thought this sem would still be fun afterall.

Compless/Guitar-
Just after my bro's birthday, he accidentally spilled a huge cup of water into the laptop, beyond recovery.

Just after my birthday, virus stalked the old computer i was using in replacement for the laptop, format, and it just shocked, "blackouted" the whole house twice which some pop sounds and it's definately beyond repair.

So, i was left with nothing, but my guitar to spend with during the deepavali weekend. it wasn't all that bad though, i have a huge interest for music playing and would love to play the guitar better everyday and master more songs for pleasure. Not many classical music is nice, cavatina is quite a rare breed of classical musics that i like with its soothing notes and climax bringing up the mood of sorrow, forward-looking and so on which i love in music. Of coz, there are other nice classical musics too, but i found a liking in playing Recuerdos De La Alhambra, it's a piece with three finger tremolo which feels so fun whenever i play it. However, i have much to work on in that piece, being only able to finally tremolo with a flow without hitting the wrong notes that often, but the mood and left hand are still very raw, so more practice is the only way to go.

Besides the guitar, i am in luck with my ps2 too. To me, its lifespan left about one or two games, namely FF12(Final Fantasy 12) and probably some versus style game which enticed so much support in gamespot. FF12 will be shipped out worldwide by 31 Oct, or the starting of Nov for a variation. But surprisingly, roy got hold of it in msia and lent it to me as his ps2 spoiled, so i'll have some digital entertainment as well, although not from the computer. I would still love to have a computer/laptop back though!

Worst Seats Ever!-
Thursday, some of us(8) went to PS for a movie - Death Note. And guess what, no one will ever get a worse seat than what i sat on, the extreme right of row A. In fact, the 8 tickets we bought were the two extreme sides! 4 aside which ks and i pincer-ed. I didnt know about the seatings then, it was when we got in that i knew about it, or i would have sore my throat out to persuade them. In fact, it seems none of them knew the seatings too! Seb thought it was the middle of row A which would pose lesser a problem, and when he knew about it, he took the tickets and raced for a complain. Refundable, but mark wanted to watch it nevertheless as other timeslot would have been sold out as well. Not a bad movie really, but i still got out dizzy :/

Family Soccer-
deepavali, where to spend the day? soccer! my cousin arranged a match with a group of NS guys i think, and we had a field match on that day. I still prefer street of soccer with smaller areas though, my stamina is completely lost after o's, be it the lack of "socceration" or "sportation" or some hazard that happened after the chemistry paper. Guess i'll need to slog hard to pass my NAFA!!!

Fascination!-
Pet name uh?? You fascinator! :x

It's The Thought that count-
I am happy that you wished me, be it late, it's still the thought that count. O's are just a week away now and i hope every ounce of luck is there for you if you ever need them. You'll always have my support! We're best friends afterall yea?! :)

Plenty Thanks

2006-10-14T21:35:00.000-07:00

2nd Week of October

Happenings
Monday, my friend Wee Kiat wanted to play mahjong, his reason was that his mum had been playing 5 out of the 7 days in a week! which made him crave for it. I couldnt go at 1st, my bro gf came to our house to study, if i were to leave, she may think that she would have to leave too as i am the only one home, but she certainly doesnt, but i wouldnt want her to feel awkward anyway. Later on, my mum came home on sick leave, some cold i guess, nothing much to be that worried about, and wk got his wish, mahjong at den's place, with szewei making up the 4th player and len going there for fun :/.

Den, being his usual self, got on laming and showing his crazy powess, and it soon became a crappy mahjong session, our tummy felt so pain when we laughed and i couldnt differentiate gastric from it! i had my 1st gastric that night, but i tot it was due to the laughters. It was weird though, i had lunch and was just afew hrs off dinner time. I will have to keep on eating now :/ or it would worsen.

Tuesday, some inventor training, we planned stuffs that night for hw bday celebrations on wed when we got guitar practice session, but it is 13Oct that she is having her actual 18th birthday.

Wednesday, i went to school at 3pm, thought of playing some scores with sean and choose the nicer one for our quadruplet. But i had to wait for an hour as he had to go to his lab and do some stuff, when he came back, we got off to print the scores and there wasnt much time left. We arranged the practice rooms and got off to practice the pieces for the ensemble instead. after the practice, we followed the plan and tried to give her a surprise, Zuyi and i laid the cake on the middle of the club room and i went down to help pack the stuffs before notifying zuyi when we're going up to light the candles, but i think she somewhat knew what's coming. I heard her asking why couldnt she leave earlier when i got back from the club room and mark was playing with zuyi's camera. The room was too small also i think, as we sang the song and threw the glitters. I thought it could have been better, maybe with some balloon with the glitters in it instead? Anyway, she said she enjoyed it and that's just what was nescessary, happy bday goondu :/.

Thursday, i went to vivo city with some friends who needed to buy some stuffs, wat a wasted trip! i didnt really agreed to go, prefering my natural sleep. i woke up at 11+ and den called to ask if i was going to meet them, and why not, i got off preparing and only went there about an hour + later only to know they're planning to go town instead! becoz most shops in vivo are still yet to be opened. We went ps, opposite and far east itself to get the stuffs. I got myself nothing though :/ lent 80bucks to den and couldnt find anything that really appealled to me. Den had work in the evening, and we decided to have our dinner at his working place(Sakae at Bishan). Expensive stuff for little portions yea? :/ mark joined us and we watched "Stay Alive" before going home.

My planned Bday present lottery failed! stupid kiashu!

Friday, some of us had dinner together and went for a monopoly session?! haha, fooled around actually, we basically spent the time interrogating wk about black and blue that we met ytd. For those that knew that is, haha.

Apparently, i was left out by guitar mates who went out together to get a present for my bday on friday, which is just after hw's, 13oct and 14oct.

Saturday, 14Oct, plenty thanks! for everything u guys have done for me. I really enjoyed myself even though i am feeling quite tired from the lack of sleep. i didnt expect that much actually, esp with alvin and aaron coming, and to know that u all went to buy the shirt together for me on friday just sweeten it very much. thanks aaron for getting the cake, although i would have loved to see u in guitar practices more often, i really appreciate it and cherish our friendship since childhood very much. thanks alvin for coming even though those excuses seem limitless, together wif mark, we'll always be the si da tian wang in guitar club yea? said by the disappeared eugene i guess. thanks hw for the "effort" in that paper peking duck that made it came true at night and everything u claimed u did uh...:x. thanks su for bombing me on my head even as i came out peacfully uh?! i'll have my revenge haha. thanks zuyi for the $150 price tag, but definitely not for the cream on my arm and face :/. thanks everyone there as well!

p.s: my hp had some problems addressed last night, i couldnt receive nor send some smses i think. And it was a coincidence that i left my comp on while being away from home on friday night, thanks you all for wishing me! take care.

As for the shirt, i went home at 6 but felt so tired that i got so reluctant to bathe and get ready for dinner with my family, so i wore what i had on and went for the dinner! so i wore it out on that day already haha, i really like it and thanks u all for getting it for me.

angie: thanks for the wallet, i really do like it very much haha. no sarcasm! :/

Plenty Thanks

1st Week of October's Update - Haze

2006-10-08T09:25:00.000-07:00

Certainly, October didnt come pleasantly as it would normally have - Haze. I was having my guitar lesson on friday night, and as i went home, emerging from the subway of the MRT, i tot, wow? wats with this smokey scene, looks like genting eh? but it wasn't cooling, nor had it rained. Rather, it was relatively "stuffy-hot" and the internal organs seem to be heating up, together with the addition of irritation received by the eyes, only an early trip to wonderland can make friday's night better. I tried to sleep at 11+ that night, only to laze arnd for an hour or so.

Earlier, i met someone looking like a friend of mine on the way home - i was looking around on the escalator where i caught a glimpse of this person on the other escalator going in the opposite direction. It looked like my friend, the view was relatively blocked though, but i noticed multiple black bracelets which i remember her wearing before. Such an uncanny resemblance lol.

Saturday, haze was quite thick during the morning, PSI 130 - it shot up to 150 at night with the pattern of a cosine curve. I went for guitar practice, but the only guitar three player, Andri, reported sick and did not turn up, take care dude. So instead, we helped each other to practice our own parts and i tried out a new score shown to me by Sean.

This was the day when i finally, for the 1st time, felt that the cavatina tune i play sounded right, it was a grade 5 piece, and i just felt weird playing the tune out with my own guitar. I used the sch's guitar and tadah, i found it easier to play it which also sounded much nicer. I tried to record it to hear it myself properly from a recorder, but a noisy someone playing monopoly just made it hard :/ nevertheless, i just wanted to listen to parts where it sounded wrong so as to improve it, i'll practice more and try again next time. Hopefully i could play it as well as my senior friend who inspired me.

Sunday, my left hand's thumb developed a painful lump at the left side, perhaps due to playing the guitar too much, so a rest is needed now, At night, i went to Cong Qing steamboat wif my friend, i promised a treat as a bday present. We chatted most of the dinner off, from the time we were classmates to how we knew each other, what happened here and then, before and after, it was fun :). 1 and a half year, from complete strangers to close friends.

*sometimes, we just couldnt find the courage or perfect time to express ourselves, and when things turn sour, it seems an eternity to get things back as fine as it was before*

*sometimes, all we wanted is just some appreciation and love from people around us, no matter how they're portrayed*

*sometimes, a mind reader can solve all implications, but all it takes are effort, observations, willingness and selflessness, no matter how difficult it is to line them up together to create a choreography*

S.E.N.S

Here comes October!

2006-10-02T21:19:00.000-07:00

i fell ill last week, to flu. it has now been the 134813489 times i contacted flu after o's and since we'll be immuned to that particular type of flu bug once you caught up with it, i guess i'll just fall ill to every new evolved type uh? where is my immunity system! need more octane?!

just an update.

i have changed my yamaha guitar class! i wasted round a hundred bucks i think. applying for the fundamental course initially which i already knew and learned last year whilst joining guitar club. so, i have now changed to individual lessons which starts just after my bday. i wonder how long will the 30mins per lesson seem to be
-.-"

upon falling ill, i just spent the time watching movies, playing guitar and playing games with my friends, and the guitar part was just great. i seem to have improved and could almost play the whole cavatina piece now, although it doesn't sound as nice as it should be, but i know i am not far from it, just need more practices i guess.

saturday, after guitar practice, some of us played monopoly in the club room haha, but i left earlier, having agreed to play soccer with aaron's class. WEIRDOs with weird rules - everyone, marshall-ed by hw(who got addicted lol) were out to sabo me! i threw double ones and shud have had to throw again, it's a double! but they say "only double six"... and i threw a double twos the next turn -.-" no matter, i gota leave early anyway haha. wed again, come! i'll show my monopoly king's prowess haha, jk.

bro:haha np.
u said it, don come shoving me off next term when i need it :/

man utd top again? ohh no~~~ where's arsenal :x

October has always been the month i liked the most since young, the hot and humid weather cools down during this month!

Relieved

2006-09-23T02:02:00.000-07:00

i got back my examinations' results on the 20th, wed. I was at mark house that time and when he found out that the results were out - past midnight, i was pondering whether i shud log in to check. I knew i screwed some papers up, namely machine elements and programming, and together with mechanical design which i got a C during CT got me worried sick. i knew i couldnt afford to let my GPA slip that much, i'll disappoint people around me and myself as too much of life depends on it. So, i took my time, wondering if i shud have a good night there 1st b4 checking it the other day, but it was quite foolish actually, i would have thought about it thruout the night, so i went to check. I scrolled and browsed thru the results quickly, keeping a lookout for the modules i felt i did badly. Amazingly, i got a couple of distinctions and the rest were As, i felt so relieved and happy at the moment, knowing it was a huge escape from too much "bo chap"ness, slackness, and reliance. And that was it, my 3rd term in poly was over and i'll have to put in more effort next time around, i would not want to feel so stressed up and worried about it anymore. All the best everyone!

In search of lost time - bro's 21st

2006-09-14T07:01:00.000-07:00

It had been afew months since i went to my godmother's house, the place where i grew up. It was like my 2nd home, going there after or before school till night when my parents came to fetch me home. Memories of things that happened there is still vividly stored in my mind, and whenever i recalls them, my eyes would become moist, those were the early days, when i was still crawling, learning to walk, had fun, quarrel, everything, and it will always hold a special place in me.

I am closing in 18 now and my bro's 21st is on the next monday, 18th sep, how fast time can fly, the memories of some moments spent there is just overwhelming me now, those were years ago, when i was fed, when life seems so simple and pure with blessed love from people around me. Although i and my brother often quarrel during those days, some not really pleasant at all, but all the hatred then seems to have just vanished and those moments became so cherishable.

I decided to go visit my godmother today, and when i stepped into the house and looked arnd, things changed, but it wasnt much, it was when i laid down on the floor as i usually do in her house and talk to her that i felt the change, it just flashed by that i felt my godmother looked more aged, she don look the same as i remember her afew months ago, and those time when she had to scream at me for misbehaving or chasing me arnd feeding me. Nevertheless, she told me about USA and how she got so worried about london's terriorist attack that the customs seem to confiscate items even though they are not in our "dangerous weapons" bracket.

I spent the day there, chatting wif my cousins and playing wif my nephews, but the latter wasn't all smooth sailing! my younger nephew, aged 4 kinda 4got who i am! :/ he was sleeping on his "orh orh" or wat do u call it? the springs stretched up and down bed. Yup, and once he woke up, he pushed the door, almost shutted, allowing a gap, for his little eyes, ah!! why is a stranger in granny's hse!!! thats what he must be thinking :P my godmother and ah pek were like laughing at him, going about how could he 4got who am i and how could he be so shy being that naughty boy around the house. And it became worse! he captured my name from the laughter and conversations and called for me, asking me... err... when would i be going home! :/ some sort of getting chased out :P hahaha, it got me about half and hour to rekindle his affections for me haha, jk. We then played "baggage finding", which is actually to hide afew lego pieces and find them, how fast they grew!!! from babies to young kids knowing how to play hide and seek already! i even heard the elder 1, Bin Guang (younger - Bin Ken) knew how to play the XBox in his home already. Yea, and to ensure my victory - height is the essence of vision! :x but he found it anyway -.-" with my "ti ti ti" hints.

At night, i ate my dinner, curry chicken appears to be a nescessity to my godmother whenever i go over to her place now, and i will never be bore of eating it. After the meal, we fetch BG to his tuition centre and went back to pack some stuffs for me to bring home, she bought shoes and shirts for me in US, chocolates and the curry chicken, my cousin fetched me home in the end and that sums up the day i had in my godmother hse.

Saturday, 16th, my bro's 21st is on 18th and he had his party on the 16th as it was a saturday, instead of a monday. I went for guitar practice in the morning and got back only arnd tea time, everything was packed by then and i bathed to get myself ready. We got to the chalet, the old Costa Sands in East Coast, it was quite a run down old chalet whereby there were insufficient maintenance, perhaps due to the transition period. Anyway, it's called East Coast resort now. When we 1st got into our unit, it was quite dusty and the wall had some "off-paint", my mom sweeped when we went to get the BBQ pit(mind you, they earn lots! $24 for a pit, no outside pit allowed and? FULL HOUSE! who would stay in a chalet, even though kinda run down without bbqing??). We decor-ed abit and tried to hide the "off-paint" by pushing the table there. Arnd 6, the catering foodstuffs we ordered came, along wif relatives and friends, and it became chatty, makany, drinky, laughy and stuffy! we took pictures, candid ones and had fun around. I lost track of time, but we cut the cake quite late i guess, happy bday bro, the happy bday song will never be changed i think :/ but it doesn't bore that much either. The cake was delicious! chocolate frudge and some crisp with the respectable contents management. Little by little, people left and my bro went up to open presents with his sec friends arnd, did lots of nonsense in the room yea... the whole day ended with my bro, his gf and me spending the night there.

J: Good luck for ur o's, god bless u.

B: Don get nuty over arsenal's victory! :P they will go on a losing streak again! :x lolz.

Initially incompletely written on 14th sep, continued and posted - 21st sep.

when it lacks understanding

2006-09-01T07:15:00.000-07:00

my exams are finally over and it's the beginning of the 6 weeks hols! time to recuperate.

*people spends time understanding another "again and again".* no one will understand perfectly what the other thinks, moreover, everyone changes.

everybody have their own problems, get vexed over it, tries to solve it, cope with it, or get along with it. the only difference between any will be the extent of it.

can anyone feel the exact same thing as another or understand the actual deepness of troubles filling the void mind when they come rumbling down like a shower of spikes.

that precise understanding is perhaps impossible, without the trust and selflessness.

no matter, the clear sky departed at a wrong time and i chose the wrong time and person to gain some comfort, if ever i needed any. i appreciated it very much at that moment, but maybe it needed more understanding, it's not making use, it's trust for any rarity i ever had for some. in any case, it started with my problem, so it only serves right to say sorry. disappointed, but whatever. we do have our own lifes to live.

i couldnt have done any better, time don allow any, or perhaps, except to take it in myself like i usually do. but thanks anyway, it made those supported days feel better.

lets work hard for everything we do.

rationality is something important at all times, not even when the world seems so dark can anyone let it go.

Recently...

2006-08-17T08:10:00.000-07:00

18/8
hiya! i realised my blog's articles are getting longer and longer and more and more nonsensical!

Had been ps2ing in mark hse with friends recently... havent study! omg, guilt starting to strike in haha. Anyway, i was supposed to go Yum Cha this morning(8am!) with Mark, KS, Tony and Diana. Ta dah! i woke up late! Luckily, Mark called my home and got my father to wake me. It was tiring to wake up unnaturally :/ i had to pick myself up, get my clothes and bath, but while doing that, i realised my teeth hurts, i couldnt bite and it was aching(my braces was tightened ytd with some seperators put inbetween my teeth), ouch! Yea, so i told them i wouldnt be going for makan, and probably meet up with them after their meal. Yup, it became another ps2 day + pink panther movie, they didnt noe where to go i think, and decided to go mark's hse instead. We had dinner(teochew muah + beancurd, for the sake of... ME! :D) and i went to get a present for my friend whose bday is tml. Happy bday! after that, we went back to mark hse to watch a rented pink panther dvd and off to home we went!

*last week, i had a quarrel wif my mum, it was about something she have been doing for years now, and i just couldn't stand it sometimes. She'd put words into my mouth and achieve her aims regardless of me. This time, to interact with other people. I mean, isn't that injustice, it was like getting accused of something i did not do or say! And that should not be the way-.-" anyway, i did get irritated, but it really blew up the next day.

My father came back complaining that she did that again, well, not that he was really angry, but it triggered me to make some comments. Yes, i know some comments were not appeasing to the ears, but if you know it's your fault, then don come showing anger instead of apologizing! keeping quiet as though i am accusing u and raising ur voice when i did not even though it was your fault. It just got me more irritated to see that my mother is being immatured. Yes, i know i am the son and shouldn't be reprimanding you? But it has been years!*

*Your nick seems troubled these days, i would be happy to be ur listening ear if you want it! Stay cheerful, life's more than what we think it is, although i am looking for it too! We can find it together*

*You have tried your best for the oral! It may be difficult, but don't dwell on it! Your A won't be gone just due to the oral, work on other parts and it'll still be yours! :) The finishing line is just ahead!*

Lor Sor Entry, just an update on the week

2006-08-13T09:14:00.000-07:00

Another sem over and i am off to my two weeks break before the last three exams. The academic schedule have been in my mind in the last few weeks, worrying about deadlines and tests, but it's all over now, i can now take afew days off, relax, and get back to work for the last three exams.

Monday, 7th aug, a short day in school, all the lessons are practically over, left some revisions and this day saw the last maths lecture. After the 2hrs revision, we went to play our pre-planned bball game with the other class, what a tiring day it was, we played for about 4hours, with 1 full match of 20mins per quarter. It was fun playing wif friends and against friends, although some hiups happened during the 2nd quarter, it was relatively a very fun day out. + we wanted to cut our hairs this day! but it was postponed though, those that wanted to cut felt too tired.

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Anyway, this was how the match went about:
*Lor Sor Bball* Note! - Lor Sor really means Lor Sor. =D read at ur own risk! just don't bash me up

during the 1st quarter, everyone was much more active, running up and down, playing bball at a higher pace, it ended with us leading 9 points ahead.

2nd quarter, we lost the lead and both teams were even, 1 of my friend got frustrated, or even got angry (pure dumb actually -.-" i mean, why get angry when we are playing the game for fun, yea, although it's against the other class, we are all still friends anyway.), it started when we began to lose our lead, the other class got their act together and scored points after points to cut the gap while our team attempted shots but missed the cut, my friend felt that another was soloing and got frustrated, and went on a soloing spree himself. Quite a joke actually, i mean, why don he set an example since he hated it. Anyway, we ended the quarter losing 2 points

the 3rd quarter was better, we amended the mistakes we talked about during the break and got back our lead - 9 points

like all games, the climax happen during the ending moments, the other class cut the lead to just 1 point and every ball suddenly felt so crucial, everyone became hyperactive, they wanted to score and overtake us while we were afraid to lose the lead, to and fro, the score remained stagnant, the basket seems hard to score now, and it was until a break thru that we scored the important 2 points to lead by 3, and it's by me! :x anyway, they had a 3 pointer shot but missed and my friend scored another to assure our win~
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Yea, that sums up the day, everyone got so tired and i went home with an injured heels, weird right :/ i stomped on it while breaking my run lol

Tuesday, National Day Eve!! and yet no half day!! so sad, how much i miss sec sch~
this day can be described as a c-programming day! we had to present our projects and study for it afterwards as the test was on thursday, we left arnd the evening and i joined my family for the fireworks festival. It was nice, nicer than last few years, we went to a spot with a nice sound system which makes the fireworks nice, i mean, it's the coordination of the mood of the music and the fireworks that make it nice right? But the music was kinda late though, it did not blend that well, but it was enjoyable nevertheless.

Wednesday, National Day, study... watch tv... makan... watch NDP... thats all. hey, NDP is getting "boringer and boringer", lets hope the change of location next year can bring a whole new appeal towards it.

Thursday, test! what a hard paper, one of the hardest i ever sat for in NYP, the past years papers were useless! it was mostly different! with chimer questions... longer questions... but watever, its good that it's over. I had my hair cut today, i wanted to cut it short and it really did become very short! like hmm... Yi Mu Hua Dao? Just that it isn't red.

Comments about my hair:

Mother "Aiyooooooooooooy! Ler Zuo Ni Ka Tao An Ne???"
"Aiyooooooooooooy! Why you cut until liddat???" translated
Father "o.0" yea, not much words, just a slight grin? :/
Bro "Ohh, you cut ur hair ah?!" with an evil laughter
Mark's Mother "I think you should keep those kind of F4 hairstyle!!!"

ok, i don really like my hair either, but i cant possibly lengthen it :/ just hopes it grows faster hahaha.

I also ton ed in seb hse that night, playing ps2 and drinking some vodka + rebina, relieved from exams? just for two weeks though.

friday, 11th, we went for the last thermofluid tutorial and went to watch movie, afterwhich i went to accompany my father to watch the fireworks, some friends came along too, having nothing much to do, what else is there in singapore to do!!! the fireworks display was nicer compared to tues, more variety, better combination, but alittle messy in colours. Congrats on your A2!

saturday, 12th, another fireworks day, it was the last day of the fireworks festival and much more people went!!! police blocked off the area and only left a small opening around the traffic lights, some people complained, but there wasn't much things the police could do, the cars have to pass too! but i am sure some people got injured, it was a small opening... + there was a stone just before the opening, and people got caught by it. we couldn't go to our usual position although we came alittle earlier than the last two, the fireworks was the best of the lot, the music timing was flawless, and the display matched it well, smoothing music was used that trigger the inner emotions that made us found it even more breathtaking to see the display. It was the best fireworks display i ever withness live.

Ok, i typed a whole lot of nonsense without thinking, sorry!

*I don know what you are thinking, maybe u hit another obstacle, but please get on with it slowly, i noe u are seeking something, but u have to take it step by step. Alcohol makes you dizzy, you know it, so go easy on it, i mean, do u really like the feeling of taking in alcohol in excess? or what did you want to prove? drink as u deem alright, for fun, for the taste*

Back On Track

2006-08-04T09:41:00.000-07:00

Yea, i got over the exams thing with an email to the teacher, although i reckon it does not even help any bit. But life continues, doesn't it? And for that selfish issue, although i am frustrated and hated that, i shalln't dwell on it, they are opinions, and to have those thoughts, it just shows that i am selfish afterall, at least, able to give the slightest hint of it. Although i don really know it was becoz of what particular reason (maybe you could tell me if you know about my blog), i could only say sorry, if i didn't carry out what i am supposed to and disappoint you or you guys.

Anyway, my Marketing test is over, it was relatively easy being an elective module, and lets hope for the best, at least to gain some consolation over the other screwed up one? lolz... Next up, Device Interfacing and programming, cruel module.

The test was on Wednesday, and Dennis wanted to replace his mouse on that day, thus we went to sim lim. We had to wait for Sam as he'll be arriving later and decided to pop up to YST working place, to surprise her? Anyway, she had been bugging us to visit her haha... We hang around for awhile and eventually met up with Sam before going to Sim Lim and do some hunting, Dennis bought his razor mouse which comes with a free Battle Pad (Don't Look Down On This!!! Said The Store Owner lolz) and mark got his 512mb lappy ram. We had dinner in BK and that sums up the day.

Thursday, we wanted to play bball, but didn't really have enough people, one wanted to rest his mucles for sunday's surfing competition... another didn't want to play... another went sim lim to browse thru afew comps. So... it never materialised, we just went for the WS training and loiter around in school before going home. The WS training for actually just a briefing, to show how the processes work and so... It's not actually the trait i am interested to join, but after feeling that i did badly for the exams, maybe my options would become limited afterall. Bothersome to worry about the future eh?? I don actually like to do most of the jobs in the society lay out, i want to seek something i like. But can i? i doubt so, it's so rigid now.

Today, we had three lessons, maths and a double thermofluids tutorials. Being busy copying stuffs, the lessons went pass quite hastily and we got on to our bball, but i had to leave early, needed to apply for my guitar course, but some friends followed me as well, to watch a movie. No idea whether i should have applied for the course actually, i want the grades, but is quite reluctant to go slowly. Anyway, i applied and lets see how it goes... maybe i can try to take the test earlier afterall as what i have initially been told, before realising it may be a miscommunication afterall. Ohh ya, and the staff... dammit, do i look ill mannered or something, i spoke nicely and friendly, yet she gave me this frustrated look as though i am irritating her or something, but i am quite confident to say that she's the one who needs to buck up on her service, it can really turn anyone's day unpleasant.

Movie is up next, we bought the tickets and had to waste some time till 5, a budget meal in BK? The timing was bad, dinner time was coming and we decided to have a proper dinner after skipping lunch... so... we actually bought a meal and shared it(mushroom swiss burger meal), mushroom swiss burger was cut into two pieces... but it wasn't shared by two fellows!!! The reason was that the staff had no clue how to cut it again! it's a small burger mind you! and we crazy lads wanted to share it, a bite each? haha, anyway, we had our way and came up with a master plan to split it... Lucky me! i won the last portion lol. Yum.

After that insane meal-cum-snack, we had some more time and went to carrefour for a tour... Mark caught his eyes on a soft toy lol, a fluffy dog, kinda big anyway, and yea, he bought it after the movie, but he let out some words after being bombarded with some questions on why he wanted it :/ it can be given to a gf too! hey, so we are hoping it can disappear from his house ASAP yea? good luck mate, we'll be having spot checks anyway, Dog = no gf, No Dog = gf, haha.

We bought nuts and drinks and went to the movie, Long Hu Men, it's about these brothers from Long Hu Men who got splited up for some reasons not revealed. The elder one was adopted by this guy who is half good half bad, doing bad stuffs for the mastermind(bad egg), but yet yarns for retirement. Anyway, the elder one felt ashamed to return to Long Hu Men as it was more of a rightuous clan although he wanted to. The story is quite bad actually... "Dullish" for most parts... no climax... nothing worth wowing over. But the fighting can be some consolation though, the graphics are quite nice.

Finally, the movie came to a close and we went LJS for dinner, Combo 1! After that, we just went to paradiz and took a look at the internals of the new cartay building before going home.

Anyway, wish that you can sort out your troubled mind about your partner yea? I am sure your grandma will hear your words and feel ur love too! last by not least, all the best for your days in aussie! - Ben

Work hard on ur studies! Prelims and o's! i am sure you have the qualities to do well. Chicken Essense, Bird Nest, Shark Fin, Lobster, Durian, take anything you need to energize you up yea? But of coz, at your own expense! :D - Jane

Feeling Extremely Down - ZzZ

2006-07-28T04:29:00.000-07:00

no words can describe how i feel now, i am in a serious deep shit, i can't seem to cool myself down and i doubt i can control myself if it was any much worse, it just feels as though i want to resort to violence to vent my frustrations, it's like a internal fight inside myself, even after 2 hrs, which is now, my head is pounding hard, the veins are pumping blood so hard it is so easily felt.

How it came about? well, mainly, it was the exam i had today.

I had been trying to study and buck up after knowing that i had slacked way too much, i did not listen to lectures, i did not listen in most of the tutorials, and even i did, it just goes out the next day, so basically, i don't know anything the teachers taught. And that leads to another sickening problem.

I tried to study, worried sick about it, and eventually got sicked, probably got infected with the flu virus from a classmate. My body can't get itself working, my brain seems frozen and my head is pounding. But i still have to study for it, right? and i did, i tried my best, studying according to the requirements set by the teacher, and the main thing is that he said formulas will be given, those long ones at least.

And what happened? Only one formula was given, freak? a quater of the paper have got to be smoked out? what is this? i studied for 75marks? after being assured that long formulas will be given? ass.

That's the core problem for my heart exploding feeling, but another added on to it.

Yang Shu Ting, what did i owe her? She remarked, "i saw through ken, he's a selfish guy." WTF?

It seems as though i am obliged to do all her stuff for her. I am frustrated by this term, with myself for not listening in class, i am some sort struggling, and maybe i did not show it? She still treat me as though i am a god and a smart ass knowing every stuff and able to decipher every word the teacher says. DON BE THAT DUMB AND SUPERFICIAL PLEASE, i am just me, not a bloody god. Thinking of what made her say that.

She asked for help in miniproject, and PLEASE, does it seem that i have finished mine or even know what to do? I have no idea of any module taught this term for the bloody fact of the world.

After asking KS to sit beside her during exams, my friend probably asked why and why don sit with ken, and she said those words. Woo, so now i am obliged to provide her answers to the exam during exam itself with teachers around and risking being caught. And it's not like getting caught is the problem. Exams and tests, i tried to help them after i finished, some exams, i couldnt finish in time myself, and some exams, i waited inside for them to ask questions before leaving, never with the bother of getting caught, but of coz, with caution, and what i get from it? I am not complaining, but where hell is that selfish word coming from.

No problem, u can say i am selfish, it's ur mouth, but please spare a thought for me as well, i have my own problems, i am struggling myself, how can a dying man help others, is that possible? If u are so great about the selfish and not selfish thing, why not say u are selfish for being so narrow and think that people never help u even thought he have his own problems to deal with. ZzZ

A day of study turned recreational

2006-07-24T04:51:00.000-07:00

My eyes have that swollen feeling again! and it botherrrrrrrrrrrs me so much i almost wanted to scoop it out of its nice nesty hole in my skull, haha jk.

Yea, i am feeling better already, and thanks for that comment from whoever lol.

Today, i was supposed to study with my friends, but it turned out to be a day of playing again. We skipped maths lecture, and went paradiz for a suki sushi buffet... YEA BUFFET AGAIN! last tuesday midnight, THEY ATE BUFFET TOO!!! and noW.. AGAIN!!! wth... nvm... i skipped last week, so today was alright haha. we went there too early though, so we went to spend some time in the arcade and went suki later on. makan makan makan, burp... so full again. Then, we went to... ARCADE again... another 1 though... cheaper... and amazingly, we stayed there for 4hrs? cool stuff... We Are SUPPOSED to STUDY!!! haha... and before we all start complaining to leave, it was already 6+.

We walked back to DG, to board MRT back, but it was not direct! the trains screwed up, maybe becoz of some "terrorist run out", as in a drill or smt, i'll need to watch the news later. Yea, so this was how it went about. DG is like the transfer central of both platforms, A(to HarbourFront) and B(to Punggol). B seems to be out of order, while passengers from A have to alight and board the free shuttle buses to HarbourFront... less known - to outram and sorts which will definitely post some inconvenience? - yea, but luckily, platform A's train moves backwards to Punggol, which is the direction of our destination, but it was so crowded! with practically 2 trains capacity of people squeezing in it. 1st time in a NEL train that moves backwards in the left lane eh? :/, but it eventually changed lane and we got home, YEA! :x.

Week 15 - Beginning of Exams

2006-07-23T03:54:00.000-07:00

The 1st examination begin on friday, 28th, and it's one of the three modules i am most worried about.

I have been quite hot tempered during this weekend, getting irritated at whatever small matters that displeases me. Maybe i am collasping and losing control over myself on certain matters, but i'll be fine with some time. Anyway, i am sorry to those i vent some frustration on, although it's not without reason, but i wouldn't get so irritated on trival matters. Life sure is bothersome with a brain.

Alright, now to account on the week.

Wednesday, usual guitar, and Mark came along after a long lay off. It's great to have him there, as it feels as though the club is slowly declining, especially after the concert last year end where everyone was together. Lets hope everyone will once again practice week in week out when the concert gets closer. That night, Aaron wanted to play pool and i accompanied him till around 11 before going home to rest and prepare for the couple of on thursday.

Thursday, yea yea... tests, "device and interfacing" equiz and "mechanical design" written test. Both went by smoothly, but the big ones are coming up! Right, this day was the 1st, i emphasize~ 1st time that my class are more active in sports stuff in like 1 whole year. Some classmates wanted to play tennis, friends from aaron's class had soccer on that day, the closest class to ours in our course played basketball and one of my friend went jogging, well, with a motive :D.

I went together with my friends to find a tennis court at E side, Tennis CCA, gged(good game ed) and browsed thru the hockey pitch for Soccer signs, they were there, but i decided to give it a miss and go with my class instead. We proceeded to L side, to try our luck on the last two courts available. We fooled our way there, with Mark and Tony having a tennis ball fight -.-" and they also decided to have a peep on Dennis jogging with a girl he is currently wooing.

We reached L side and there was 1 court available, B3 was playing bball as planned. Eventually, with rackets being so limited... some of us joined them for bball. Not bad, it have been quite some time since i played bball, and it was only the early days of sec3 which Mark, Len, Adrian and I were actively picking up that sport, memories are so cherishable yea? but those days are over. But hey, it seem to reignite some fun i used to have. This day was fun.

Friday, "Maths" test, we came to sch earlier to revise some work and went on to the usual lessons and test. it was a short day and there was an event, but i was tired and didn't want to go for it. However, we went to grassroot club and spend on some on the gaming machines, notably the photoshop providing most of the fun. After that, i went home, napped, and pass the day as usual.

Saturday, Guitar Committee Election, just to vote on the various positions, it took quite long anyway, waiting for people sorts :/, we ate lunch in school and that concluded the day out basically, i went home and tried to study, but as usual, COULDN'T.

*SOS!!! I need to recuperate my mind!!! lolz...*

Steamboat Outing

2006-07-18T21:26:00.000-07:00

Hi ya! Exams are just around the corner and so are my stressful days! Why didn't i listen in lectures! this is gonna be a bad sem, i am practically afraid of three papers, and the tests begin next week... Please give me a chance to repent with easy papers!

Back to the last article, the seoul garden thing i had on the next day, it went fine, i didnt gorge which i am particularly glad :/ and we had a fun day out, playing some pool, with three of them going kbox instead, money = water for them i think, haha. Anyway, the seoul garden was subsidized by Kel, not only me, but everyone, he won some money during the world cup fanatic which he, i reckon, put to good use!!! :x jk, thanks yea.

Yesterday, 18th July, we had an outing, steamboat, at err... 10:30pm to 2am. it was planned in like the last 5mins of the last lesson, 8:25-8:30. Three of my friends, two riders and 1 with a car, had planned to go geylang for some supper, and a joke about going for steamboat eventually turned out to be an outing suggestion as we don have lessons today, on wed. So, we went, i skipped the makan anyway, not planning to gorge myself on any more buffets at the time being, it really scares me off, my parents want buffet, my friends want buffet, everyone just wants buffet! I DONWAN BUFFET! for the time being at least :/ We chatted, some makaned, went to a lanshop to pass some more time and then going to geylang together for some you cha kuay and soya bean drinkss. Time passed relatively fast and it was 3+, not planning to stay around there for the 1st bus, we split into 5 groups and went home which sums up the day!

Post CT

2006-06-28T08:38:00.000-07:00

exams again!, but hey, its over haha, that's what poly is good about. no 2 week span of examinations like secondary schools! it was so tedious back then, worrying about the limitless subjects. Now? a relatively healthy number of arnd 5 examable papers in a sem. I had 4 ct exams, in two days, although the waiting hours was long (1st paper 8:30 - 10 while 2nd was 4:30? 5:00?), the number of days are more significant! how glad am i that it is over now, i can go change my guitar strings and play the guitar again.

I aren't quite satisfied with what i did to the papers though, i have one or two mistakes here and there about which of coz could be done away with, with more effort and brain's ram. nevertheless, its over, and i am a free guy again, no need to hug the book as though its my favourite novel anymore! 2nd ODE? Integration? Reynolds? Pressure? MDesign? Marketing? No More!

Today, i had sakura int buffet with my family, and was supposed to have seoul gardens tml. No Problem at 1st thought, but after chewing and biting and swallowing all the stuff into my poor stomach + a excessive durian puff game, i couldnt have thought i will be able to do fine with two buffets in two days! Right now, i am kinda afraid of it, but lets hope i will feel better tml.

I am glad that u are glad that i am glad that u are glad that i and glad. :) but i am really glad, have a pleasant june july august september october november december january feburary march april may june july... guys! ok, madness.

1 Year

2006-06-20T11:32:00.000-07:00

Almost 1 year it had been since i wrote something on a blog. its just a week lesser to complete the year, and i finally knew what happened back then. I had thought about some reasons for the sudden change, but i couldnt and will never know what the actual reason was at that time. Yes, i didnt ask, i didnt know how to, it would be weird to ask as well, feeling that she's trying to avoid. And it took a year before i finally knew what the reason was.

I don know what to say, and do not wish to dwell on the past, but it certainly felt sad when she told me she talked to her dog as a form of letting out. well, not solely sad, mixture of remorse and guilt too. We have a similiar problem, just that her's more serious than mine is, i lived with it, anger, frustration, senseless, words cannot describe the feeling, but i lived over it after time. I knew what it felt, to be on the verge of losing what you suppose cannot be broken, the only place you are supposed to feel safe in. It gave me a bad temper at that time, raging at every small stuff that i dislike, or felt frustrated with. You'd lose ur mind and do stuff you will never imagine doing normally. Thats what it can do to you, similiar to people fighting for their love ones, or belongings, this is a fight for own acknowledgement. I was lucky, i have friends in school which i think i heavily depended on during my time of distress then. Often, whenever my friends do things i dislike or towards me, i would get angry, felt hurt, alot of feelings actually, and thats what gave me my personality for that time, i only linked these up after getting over much of it, because the expectation we have towards friends are confused with family, you'd have more support within the family - and we need it among friends which can sometimes go terribly wrong. You are hoping to be in somewhere, which you think have been lost, and friends are one of the options, you play with friends, you laugh with friends, you live with friends. Normal people can get fed up with the outer world and gain consolation back home, troubled people like us can't, its a pincer attack, no where to run, no where to hide, no where with comfort, you just don't and wont feel like being anywhere. Just alone in the dark lonely sky, troubled with clouds. Knowing these, i felt remorse and guilt, we were close to each other then, chatting perhaps everyday, i knew her problems, and i understand it too, i could have gave her some comfort, at least, not to the extent that she would need to talk to her dog, who couldnt reply, or understand her sorrowful life. It was very depressing to know that. Its not that a dog is a bad companion, talking to anything will give you comfort, but people will normally choose talk to other people first, unless he/she feels that there's no one close or willing enuff listen to his or her sorrow. That's one of the reason why we people need friends too, not only for fun, but the support needed too. And she couldn't find 1.

But i am glad you are getting over it, and lets not dwell on the past anymore, live happy, stay healthy, eat fattily :D

*In msn, you told me you missed talking to me, i am happy to know that. It really felt terrible, i didnt know whether i really liked you or was it just felt the sudden lost of a close chat buddy. But i really did missed talking to you and felt terrible. I couldnt find words to describe it in msn, and maybe still can't now, but all i could say is that i too, seriously missed talking to you. It had been a year.*

Blog Renewal - Friend's Bday

2006-06-06T07:36:00.000-07:00

Its June now, almost 1 year since i started writing stuffs in this blog, then, i wanted to express some thoughts and feelings, some questions that can't seem to be solved. I feel better writing them out, perhaps, somesort similiar to finding my own identity, what kind of person am i? what path in life am i going? although you are yourself, you may not really understand yourself towards other people, u are one guy, portraiting another to others.

I stopped blogging since march, and maybe i continue posting some articles here and there in the future.

Yesterday, 5th June, it was my friend's bday, Miss Yang Shu Ting. Yea, and we decided to go out and celebrate for her. Supposedly, we were to go after lessons, at 5, and since i have to help out in guitar enrichment classes, i had to sacrifice that for her bday!!! noble ba? haha... Ok, in the end, we skipped lesson instead, the 3 hours sem project from 2 to 5, we went for sushi buffet. Ah... foodstuff that satisfy my fat stomach. Some of us went in 1st, while three, seb, ks and me went to get a cake. Quite a hard choice, not too big, for its a buffet we are going, not too small or it wont be that nice a cake, and finally, not to fat, which girl in the world would eat a cake without getting concerned over her weight? Ended up, its a standard cake for xmas instead! blackforest haha. 38 candles, some for small pieces of cake, and a combined belated for another friend, 28th May, Dennis. Sushi was great, delicious, filled up and acceptable. The small cake came as planned, but without the candle though, we requested for it to be kept in their fridge, the suki sushi staff, so it's quite out of bounds. replacement? a chopstick, high -.-". Ok, then came the cake, which she cut ill-proportionly and we feast on it. After that, we went to a lanshop, to pass time actually, and have some fun. time flew and it was late evening, some of us played mahjong and some went to swim, at hougang swimming complex. 1st mahjong career lost lol, 40cents. After that, we went in search for durian, as seb wanted to eat, but it has closed. After these, it practically concluded the day, happy bday again~!

This reminded me of the 1st bday celebration with my sec friends, i was very happy then, it's a sensational feeling, you belong somewhere, with your friends. Its like a family. I appreciate it very much then, and i hoped she enjoyed her bday as well :)

Life?

2006-03-16T09:41:00.000-08:00

Ok i gonna get this straight, If you think u gonna get a better life by trying out things u may like in life, its fine, If you think u feel lifeless at home and want to go out, its fine, But you have to draw a fine line between all these.

You may feel you are wasting your life, you may feel that not going out is wasting your life, you may feel that not doing something is wasting your life. If you think that doing things need company, be it more fun or watever reason, and u seek for that company, be it one or a group, its what u desire. If you seek for that someone, a relationship to do stuff with, is that true love. If you fail in doing so and seek a group, a group have many different thoughts, understand it, don force it, for no one love doing things he/she thinks may be uncomfortable. Fun is what most desire in outing.

You want to get into a relationship, no matter wat motive, to have someone to share love, to have someone to watch movie, to have someone to go out, to have some experience, to have someone close to you, to have someone that shares all burdens, to feel loved, to feel acknowledged by someone, to feel attached to someone, to feel wanted by someone, to feel important to someone, watever u seek, don be desperate due to opportunities or just becoz u feel u will be missing out of something, can that be forced?

Look at the clear picture, you can seek what you desire, but if it involves another party with another brain thinking differently, consider that and shut the nonsense. For nothing is a replacement. A desired path is something you must have confidence, and determination with effort to enroute. It may not be easy, but there is no replacement.

Basically, you want someone to walk with you. A desired path. But can anyone do walk with you? no, it involves a two way relationship, a willing party. That may be hard to attain, but you can only try, getting fed up about opportunities trips people. Thats due to desperation, opportunity can be seeked, and not forced.

You turn to friends, but friends are friends, you desire a relationship, not friendship, thats your rating. This replacement will never be enough. As you try to seek the experience you never experienced before, till a relationship established. You will engulf a relationship as something very precious, hard to obtain, thats why no friendship will ever be enough till you experience relationship and evaluate it. Be it still the same, or be it different, you seek a relationship that will never be satisfied by friendship.

It all ends up as you find it nescessary to have someone. Thats your desire. Clear your mind, think it this way, a girl that you are involved in a friendship, and a girl that you are involved in a relationship, both accompanies you out, do you seek the feeling of being important to the girl you are involved in a relationship, or do you seek the feeling of having a person of opposite gender to have fun with you. If able, compare this to replacement friendship, is there a difference.

You said, so hard to find people, no wonder i wanted to find a gf, what does that shows. You said, fukers la bye, fuker with a s while one ignores and quit, what does that shows. Relating that to finding gf may be an excuse, for u seek a relationship that you never had chance to rate before. If its true, a gf is not what you seek, a girl is what you seek in doing things, for it seems more appropriate. the fukers thing is truely dumb, for you seek an outing, for you having a request, fuker is appropriate for the one who ignore and quit, fukers implies that you deem everyone not cooperating with you, but you are having a request, not a demand. You can say that nicely, but you have to know and feel that its a request, and seriously not a demand. Not getting what you want can get frustration and scolds, but if that involves other party, thats being spoiled. If you think others are not on, a wet blanket, think about other things you are not on and being a wet blanket. Get this into your mind, for every interest is different, reasons different, motive different. Making things sound nice may be kind, but please entice the true meaning. What others may be on to you, their other side may not be on, a conflict of interest, think more than once, think more than yourself. *SideTrack* You can be self centered and get along with it, others may feel it and give way, but what it really brings is a give and take situation, someone give, the other take, a guage exist in everyone, some high some low. Think for everyone, for it makes lives better.

Post End Term Examinations (2nd)

2006-03-09T08:36:00.000-08:00

Blogging to me has changed from daily to weekly to monthly to occasionally, whenever i felt like blogging lol.

Recently, i got a swollen mouth, a pimple like infection probably due to me biting my cheek wall when "ton"ing in friend's hse. It was terrible because it was just beside my lips, between the connection of the bottem and top lips, and yea, i couldnt eat freely and talk properly. After the swell slowly declined, there were restrictions at that portion as it has not fully recovered. Unfortunately enough, my dental appointment falls on the 7th of March. I didnt wanted to change the appointment as it was changed a few times by the doctor as she was away on MCs and so on, so i decided to tolerate the oncoming pain due to over stretching it. Yea, the dentist gave no mercy :/ but i got through it, li hai ba!? lol.

After the exams, i felt that this term was poorer than the previous 1 in academic aspects, mainly due to the fact that i did not listen to any lecture at all. Yea, 16 weeks of schooling, and i did not listen to any lectures, mainly talking to friends or sleeping at a corner. This term also, did not have constructive tutorials, it was quite terrible and nothing can be absorbed, basically because i did not listen as well, but the tutors were not that good too. Alright, so i got to count on myself and friends help to get the exams out of the way, the outcome wasn't that great and i was quite disappointed, so i aint looking forward for my results at all lol. Lets hope for the best for everyone.

Ok, a writeup on my class after two terms. Great lads, all of them are friendly and it was good to be in this class. However, i felt something missing in the social aspect, we don have any events organised wholefully as a class or any gathering which involves the whole class, basically, the class is divided into two groups, although all of us, maybe except one went along with each other fine, there seems to be two groups close among each other. Definitely, i felt that this isnt the way it shud be as the ideal situation will be the whole class as one, but this is life, understandable. Perhaps this is due to poly life too, but my class seems stagnant in after schoolday life. In secondary school, we often play soccer after school, but in poly, we only played once before, with B3 class. the frequency is not what i am hoping for, but it was fun to play on that day, even though i had a coughing fenzy during that time. I seem vulnerable to illness eh? lol

About the comment from a friend.

We know each other for 11 years already, since the age of 7, pri 1, this long duration is enough for us to value the fate shared. The common memories along the way, i will never 4get. Yes, maybe along the way, issues are brought up, thinkings about each other changed because the way we did stuff differs from the past, but i am sure we have our own stand in our ways of doing stuff. We understand the way life is ran, and what we can do is to understand each other feelings when we do stuffs that affect each other. Things built up, i know we have disagreements at times, different personality discovered, and different way of handling some stuffs, but we understand each other quite well enough to understand the way we do stuffs. Maybe we can be more open with each other, giving a chance to explain every detail, clearing the air of misunderstandings and effects of some stuff done between each other. I wanted to write more on this, but couldnt relate exactly everything. We definitely are still the best of friends.

As for the guitar thing, i just want to express that time heals things. Perhaps vary in duration, but it does heal. What happened before will subsequently be of lesser impact than when it happened as time passes. People tend to forgive stuffs as time passes, what was done before may have negligible effect. We should not, for a moment of thoughts, do something on impulse, because to me, time does heal things, because we spent the time, thinking about the whole picture, evaluating and analysing the deeds. It doesnt really matter as long as it is over, you can still move on, on the same route, and eventually something different may happen relating to the same stuff. Ok maybe it sounds greek here, but i hope u understand what i mean. It's just an opinion though.

People who knows me know what happened between me and an old friend, Adrian. We were good friends, playing bball with each other, computer games, chatting, what good friends normally do. But for a series of events, our relationship broke down, thoughts flew, and frustrations grew. Our trust in each other was patched and broken down repeatedly. Eventually, in a surge of frustration, i decided to wash hands off him. That was what i felt was right to do at that moment of time. But now, it's different, i know he could have been a good friend of mine. And for some stupid guy in conference, i got frustrated and we went on into a cold war. This seems retarded now, for we shud understand more in each others stand. Yes, but what i did then was what i felt alright with then, a moment to regret now because time heals it up, my heart forgave him, for what i think he did wrongly, and we didnt have a chance to explain to each other, till now, 3 years later.

You may be wondering why i brought this up, i just wanted to say that time make us 4get about things we, or other people did before. unless its in a dire situation, things can be forgiven and new chance can be gained. It's just the issue of time given. What you think and want to do now may be different a few years later.

Basically, its like avoidance. which is bad, because whenever you have a way to get along, you have a chance to attain. Maybe the chance may not be what you desire, but at least you still have a contact. Friends are not all about romance, for everyone you met in life affects the way you live. Perhaps thats why people have more friends of their same gender, the romance issue is absent, which will not affect friendship thinking, and thats why some may be afraid to tell opposite gender friends they are invloved in bgr, for fear they may lose them, but i have my own thinking about that. As friends to be may not have a romance issue in them.

Gain a closer friendship and lose a relationship is better than losing both.

Chinese New Year

2006-01-31T08:09:00.000-08:00

Long Layoff, i didn't blog for a long period of time, i thought, why am i blogging? No one will understand me better from it, no one really understands me, i am someone who have my own thoughts, thoughts i hate realistically sometimes, but something i cherish myself. What is the realistic world to me? its absent of some serious balancing.

Yes, its another Chinese New Year, 17 years already, Chinese New Year every year, but new year to me has become some serious back tracking of memories, something i love because i remember the past, but memories are too sentimental for me, i know i will lose some things in the future, nothing last, thats the realistic world, u start of as an innocent person, but realise that the world isn't run that way, everyone knows it, u can only live it your way, try to balance it up urself, but also, trying not to lose out, becoz its a competitive world. School life is totally different from Working life. No, its not as though i started full time working, but it can be seen already, it's more pleasant to be in schooling life, yes, studies are tedious, but there are more tedious stuff, even the signs can be seen in school. I can only prepare myself for it.

Thats one thing i am worried about, i don really know whether i am ready for it, i am still myself, i treat everyone sincerely to how i analyse them, i am straightforward, i hate what i hate, i love what i love.

Anyway, thats one issue i hate about the world. Another is what i missed in the world. I missed alot of things, i regret doing and not doing some stuffs, maybe i have a "perfect" thinking that i should do everything to the fullest, to the best, but i know it can't be done, especially when u can't analyse it with as much time as u want. When u are in a midst of something, the time given is little, u think about some stuff, but after it's over, u will feel that the other option you may do will be better. Why think so much about stuff? i sometimes thought, but i couldn't help not thinking about it, it's a thought filled with regrets, with something more valuable achieved if i did other stuff.

It's the memories doing me in now, family ties, friendships ties, relationship ties. Everything valuable to me in life, i don value money, i just see it as something needed to survive in this realistic world, but most importantly is how people feel with you around, what you can do for them, some may not appreciate you even if you do stuff because no one remembers things others do for them, they only remember how they benefit from it, but you just want to do it because it will make others happy and morally, you will feel great, maybe it sound too noble now, but i aren't saying myself, i am saying generally, how this realistic world make people think about themselves only, how this realistic world make people who wants to help others feel neglected.

During this Chinese New Year, i lost an ang bao, an ang bao from my godmother, someone i appreciate so much unexplainable by words, these are the people i admire so much becoz they make so much difference in someone else life, they are those who you want to imitate, to be as great a person as them. What is life? its not to be successful regardless of what stuff you do, it's not measured fiancially, it's how you cherish what you do, some people will say it's stupid, what for think about others when it's your own life you are living for. It's just what your priorities are. So, that lost of ang bao is devastating, not for the money, but the feeling behind it, it's from someone i love alot, someone i respect alot, someone i admire alot, someone without flaws that are hateable, a perfect image of a person, those that will make this world much more pleasant if everyone is like them. I still hope i can find it though.

It has been quite a long time since i went to a relative house to gamble too. My family stopped going afew years ago, it feels different this time around. It has been afew years, people changed, i used to hate most of them last time, becoz they always seem to bully my father, making him the banker. But as time goes by, the feeling evaporates, you give them another chance to improve impressions, true enough, give a step, make another impression, analyse the whole situation again, a new result comes about. That aside, i saw my father side cousins again after afew years away, you know, i love to have closer ties with people, it's good to be in a bunch, as an united group, a good network. But these takes time, is it too late now?
Old happenings, be it good or bad, are cherishable, at least u remember what happened, it forms memories in your brain, make you feel that u have pass time with alot of things happening, some have empty spots, only for you to wish you can patch it up, some are joyful moments, that you know will be gone one day or already gone, and will not be able to attain ever again. 17 years, long or short? well, it is long enough for me to think back, do other people around my age think back? am i growing old, or am i tired of life becoz it's just like playing a game, know your stuff, do your stuff to achieve, but the issue of cheating always come about that makes my mind so tired that i wish to be a spectator, instead of a participant.

Xmas + New Year Holiday Break

2006-01-07T09:05:00.000-08:00

Another year has passed, 2005 was a quick year for me, i remember listening to 933 during the end of 2004, saying they will be switching shifts soon, anticipating the new year, soon, they will be switching again.

i started poly this year, not really adapting to the different style at 1st, and not satisfied with the lifestyle. Class relations took quite long to integrate all together, and it was quite boring before the period prior to the end of the 1st term when we all got together. I started DOTA around that period when my coursemates are all crazy over it, eventually, i played with friends from eod, coursemates and polymates. especially eod, this brought us together again, although only some of us went to play dota, compared to the old cs which we had so much fun from, i cherished enjoying the same fun with friends.

for the passed 3 years, i thought back and really regretted one thing in each of the years, it's the same for 2005, i somesort neglected friends becoz i played mmorpgs. So, i do dislike mmorpg now, it takes up time which i prefer to spend it on other stuffs now... so the old darkages of mine is gone, and i will never get the similiar sensation from playing a mmorpg anymore. Those days became memories, wonderful memories that will never be 4gotten.

when there's bad stuff, there'll be good stuff too. what i appreciated most in 2005 is to join the guitar club. My interest in learning music has finally been satisfied, and it comes with a great deal of fun. Of coz, perhaps i am far too quiet a guy towards strangers, i only mix with the guitarclub friends just before the la guitare concert, practices, everything for a common goal, it brought us together, and i can see few negatives in it. I do hope our batch 11 will stay intact, with everyone in it for the future to come.

*When you grow older, memories build up, good or bad. People often say, only the old will think back into their memories. But memories are so cherishable that the thought of it, be it any events, any deeds, any sayings, any teachings, everything, will touch our hearts, some with regrets, some with joy, some misses. The past is not history, the past are memorable stuff to reflect on while the future is based on memories*

Merry Xmas

2005-12-25T09:06:00.000-08:00

right, after La Guitare, a group of us went home together. In the bus, we planned for a movie outing for those without anything to do during xmas eve.

I did not feel like going actually, feeling some weird fatigue with my legs being the distinctive ones, i was fickle minded, and some told me to go while some told me otherwise, eventually, i decided to go becoz i was like one of the starters. The outing plan changed and some decided not to skip the movie. After the movie, we were joined up by two others and walked about orchard around wisma area, Shin nie's cousin was stolen when the pack couldn't move with some people delibrately pushing the crowd, it was stolen during that time i think, we then went escaped from the crowded roadside walkway and grouped together again. What a bad incident to take place during a day in which we were just seeking for some fun. Nevertheless, we still went ahead to celebrate the countdown, spraying artificial snow. I did not play that madly though, i am more of the listener-watcher person lol. Anyway, we met lenny along the way and had some friends wif the sprays to spray on him. We practically only had that to play with only really... and we went home sharing cab

*This article is not written in a way i wanted. I just listed the events, but there is one thought in my mind that i felt like writting, but its hard to explain though*

La Guitare 2005

2005-12-23T19:07:00.000-08:00

Yea, busy weeks over.

After the lunchtime performance, i went on a illness marathon, starting with a slight flu, migaine, throat inflammation and fever. it lasted me two weeks and i practically couldn't follow the schedule i planned to survive the busy week. Eventually, i had to rush my work. But its all over!

The busy week of assignments and ICAs included the La Guitare 2005 concert which had rehersals and practices. The La Guitare 2005 concert brought the whole NYPGC together which was full of fun, it's like a family now. Of coz... not everything is perfect, i don want to spoil the atmosphere we have in guitar club and instill a hostile one, but some incidents happened which gave me some thoughts.

Anyway, everything concerning La Guitare 2005 concert was full of fun, the rehersals were fun, the La Guitare itself was fun, everything was great, but the best thing was the "happy together" we played. It was so terrible before the concert where tempers flew and sorts... but we did an acceptable job on La Guitare... Thanks for the compliments by the seniors too, it made the whole day felt more perfect, i mean, it made us felt that we did a fine job, a job that can be appreciated by audiences. Thanks for that.

Lets wish that this togetherness in the guitar club is for here to stay forever, and that we will gain the best fun out of it :D

*No one should ever find too full of him/herself, or too big for something. Everyone wants to do well as i can see from practices, yes, some make mistakes, but what is the best thing to do? encourage. Well, it is doubly terrible when someone who has not gain respect from the pack does that, becoz it needs respect to prevent dislike towards someone who use "agressiveness"*

Update

2005-12-16T04:09:00.000-08:00

I Will be updating after my busy week finish

Pre Guitar 1st Performance

2005-11-27T11:05:00.000-08:00

I got my japanese and had a test in my 1st day learning jap... which is to write japanese characters! So many, it was quite tedious. Anyway, i got on with it and had fun in jap lesson which was on tuesday.

The day before, on Monday, 21st Nov, i watched Harry Potter with my EoD friends. i don't usually watch movies nowadays... compared to sec 3 where i practically watch all movies that came on advertisments. People said Harry Potter was nice, very nice, but somehow, i felt disappointed with it... Perhaps due to my fatigue of rushing a lab report till 3am.

Since there are two guitar performances just around the corner, i had 6hours of practice on wednesdays and saturdays. Although it's a long duration, but if you are interested, the longer the better, i did enjoy the whole duration of it. Lunchtime performance at NYP on wed, lets hope we play at our best that day.

Mark had gastric problems this week, perhaps due to his accumulated diet, trying to slim down, but he has already slim down, just that he is taller and look bigger in size. He eventually went to a hospital as the medicine he took did not work, and recovered after trying another type in the hospital. All the best.

Lets Do The Finest Of Job On Wednesday.

Seeking A Change In Language

2005-11-14T16:29:00.000-08:00

Troubled abit these days because i have yet to change my complimentary module to Japanese!!! I chose japanese when they asked us to and i was given french -.-", alright, i accept there may be a lack of space because many people wanted japanese, but my friend who chose french got japanese!!! Screwed up eh? NYP, and you said it's by merit too. Anyway, i am still hoping the change will be approved and is waiting for my mentor's call, hope it's a good news even though friends told me that there are no more vacancies... I want to learn something with interest! I can't concentrate on something i have no interest in... and this persistent headache of mine isn't going off... dammit -.-"...

Professional/Loser

2005-11-13T23:09:00.000-08:00

Personally, i do wish and cry out for a thorough stop in every pro and loser talks of people in games. But its realistically impossible. 1st of all, i would like to say that i am not writting this article against anyone i know. I am writting this to express my thoughts about the harm these things instill into the gaming world.

Indeed, these two words will sometimes make games much more enjoyable, you win, you call others losers, and name yourself a pro. (rating him/herself good in this sense, not really the real meaning of being professional) Human are unknowningly sadistic because sadistic and comedic is just a line apart. U knock someone head and laugh, but it may hurt.

In all games, the real motive is to interact and show that you are good, no one can deny that. But the majority are in for the latter. No, i don mean it comes naturally, some people play games - seriously to pass time and to enjoy only, not involved in the evil aspect - but its only when the innocent did not encounter any disturbing problems yet. A human is borned honest, devious acts come upon realistic view of society, it's just whether people want to do it or not. Game, compared to real world is not as serious in this sense, but it relate seemingly to the same problem.

A heart of pure innocence can be influrenced by a drop of mischievous act seeking for fun and become one him/herself. The bullied become a bully. That's the normal action to seek protection, "Xian Xia Shou Wei Qiang", showing some content of bully will make a bully hesitate, because everyone has a cautious thought.

So, whenever a comment is passed, everyone will take notice of it, reaction differs in everyone, but how will you be able to determine their reactions? It's true there are Mr Nice Guys in the world, but they too will sometimes feel victimised and want to get over to the other side and victimise others instead. It's all about the guage of tolerance.

A guy called loser may want to have some payback, and the problem with internet games are, are you able to easily seek out the person who called you a loser? indeed, if you win back someone who taunted you, you would feel great and get some revenge. There's a hunger for it. But what if you can't find the person who called you a loser? Calling others is an alternative to feel better? Then it goes on to be a chain action and reaction.

Please think twice before passing comment about others' ability because people really live off their ability, an insult in that area hurt badly and one of the way people usually do to get back confidence is to hurt others to feel the word "pro".

There are people who learn fast and people who learn slower, but the only reason is the way they learn, the pattern they see, the method they apply. Be glad you learn fast, be holy to encourage (not scold) others, be kind to avoid sins. Especially among friends.

*If you win, there's no need to brag, no need to say, because the people you won may have reactions about what you said, consider their thoughts instead of wholeheartedly seeking acknowledgement of pro, true pro need no advertisments*

*True meaning of pro means professional, a professional is a good loser and winner, be it win or lose, no words should be passed in the risk of others feeling bad or inferior*

*Scolding is harmful, again because people reactions are different, some will be alright, some, with extremely low confidence will completely lose it and feel inferior. But is that true? Or just that they need a master to lead them to the easier path, to see the pattern into learning*

*Bragging may let you feel over the moon for the moment. If payback day comes, the damage done is worse because to feel pro and being name a loser back is much more hurtful. A lost in ability. But can you see it as something you don't deserve? You hurt others, to get hurted is a balance up, no matter which is more severe*

*True supportive friends are harder to get than friends for laughter and fun*

Jokes are fun, but are all kinds of jokes a win-win situation? taunts between (a) and (b) makes (c) to (z) laugh, why? cause they aren't involved, Jokes and taunts are only a line apart, if these two things are named (1), some people may think that if (1) is said among friends, they are jokes. If on strangers, they are taunts, is that really true? Friends started off as strangers.

Headache "Problems"

2005-11-13T01:51:00.000-08:00

I just woke up from a rest which i usually don't as i don't like to spend time sleeping. But this time around, it's different, my brother played call of duty which is a 1st person view game and it got me dizzy, with a bad headache, thought of vomiting and sweating away. I got my handphone and went to a sofa, lie down, plug the ear pieces into my ear and got off to rest. It got me asleep with a dream that made me felt worse, the headache got worse, the head felt hot, pain, so hard to endure that only got away after i woke up, seemingly, i felt the pain even though it was a dream.

That apart, i realised something i posted was not in my blog. Maybe it's fate not to post it yet. That may be good too though, because the more i lose respect for the things that person do, the more i will repeat the uncontrollable mistake of losing a friend, i just got to be a by-looker, get along with it, but how will that person know his faults? It's not that i love to be a judge over what people do, i hate it, but it just comes, whenever something happens, i seek a conclusion to it, about what people seek in what they do. Greek.

Anyway, after waking up around midnight from my rest, i browsed through the IRC conversation to see what i had missed. Well, not much, but saw some minor bad stuff.

One of my friend (a) asked the other friend (b) in a middle of lengthy conversation between both of them whether he can create something, and "create something" is pretty obvious about what he wanted, a wc3 game, that's about the only thing (a) could have wanted (b) to do, becoz that's the only thing needing a host, with (b) mostly being the only one hosting. His motive is clear, (a) want to play a game. (b) asked, "like?" and (a) replied , "some game", "like dota?", or some other nonsense". After replying a question "like?", would u be expecting a reply? but (b) replied only 30mins+ later, not to that question, but with a lol not relating to the question but to (c)'s message about gunbound. (b) continued with, "hmm", "anything do?" with (c) later on replying, "we can dota", "one game", "it has been a long time since i dotaed", "if not", "i am going to gunbound". (b) then "hmm" without a definite answer and never spoke again.

What i want to say here is that we should be taking notice of the way we relay our conversations, the way we should response to people question, be it wanting or not, we should give an answer to let the other party have a plan about what to do instead of waiting a few mins and concluding that he has been ignored due to some reason. We may have such habits too, but i think, none as bad yet as (b)'s becoz it has been quite persistent. I mean, he could have replied yes or no to his wishes instead of ignoring or trying to avoid that mere "game asking" question. Why didnt i say, went off to do something and 4got about the question or question which sometimes happens on us as well? becoz it has been quite persistent. As for the few mins thing, well, (b) loved to say things like that for minor stuff, not a few minutes, but wasting time, like taking public transport or some sort. That's a copied stuff, but something is different here. One is bobian (no choice) while the other is just not taking note of it.

*Respect is important because words from an unrespected person are vile. Be it jokes or some opinions, it become substantially unappeasing. Perhaps a brillant one will fare well, but how many brillant stuff are there for someone to absorb from someone that lost respect*

*How would we salvage something that had been broken down into pieces, just trying to get along with it, and not trying to infuse more conflicts that would eventually trigger the spinner of a grenade?"

*You reap what you sow, whatever evil you do a few decades ago will not gain sympathy from whatever you deserve injustically a few decades later, let alone a few years. Deserve what you did, that's what i believe, so don't expect me to be a forgiving type, Especially major ones, we shouldn't expect anyone to be forgiving, because you did something that is needing to be forgiven, but minor stuff? no one should be that petty, but yet again, the differences between major and minor differs in everyone*

As i was typing, i saw a message in IRC. (x) pasted a ban confirmation from an IRC football IRC channel with (y) being the victim. (y) then declare innocence and was asked by (x), why was he banned, (y) replied, "how i know", "lamers". (x) continued, "last time got kicked?" and (y) followed, "that was ages ago", "narrow minded losers". (y) knew what he did, and i knew too, because i was around when he and another friend, or two more friends were bored and childish enough to go into football fans' club channel to type some infuriating words about their clubs. He did something to them and he deserved that outcome, that's what i wanted to tell him, and (x) said don't argue already, i replied quite frustratingly because everything should be explained and cleared up. With (x) knowing what i meant, he wanted to clarify that but with an addition that i would be wasting time telling (y) about what he had done, because he would not care. That may be true, but we should all at least make an effort, that's what i thought. It hurt abit between (x) and me even though it's a small matter, but after being friends for so long and becoming like a family in EoD, all small matters become seemingly big. I respect (x), even though not in games and it doesn't feel right to get any conflicts just because of a small matter, but what is done is done. That's all i have to say.

New Term Of School

2005-11-06T18:03:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow, i'll be back in school for my 2nd term of the 1st year in poly. And there goes my occassional possibility of sleeping till i naturally awake. That's the only thing i will miss i think.

Wednesdays, Which are my guitar ensemble days is practically the only day i went out after getting the work during October. On those days, we will practice our ensemble pieces - "Aura Lee" and "Happy Together" - which is usually full of fun becoz of my interest and eventually going for pool after the lesson.

During the 16 days working, i met Eugene twice, although not in way which i could say hi to him or do any greetings, he will flash pass my sight which i wonder, why do i always see him? even in nyp, he's the person i saw the most times among those i know, in nyp doing different courses. Don't get me wrong, i don hate him or dislike seeing him, he's one of my nice darkages online friend. But to mostly see him compared to others just makes me wonder :/ perhaps he love going town or becoz he lives at ferrer park eh?

Last Saturday, we got extra guitar practice as we will be having some lunchtime performance in nyp and the annual guitar concert of the school during december, so, we have to perfect our pieces to spare the blushes, extra practice is definitely needed and it was the same, fun. After that, we went to play DOTA, at amk central, calling Wk along as he stays near amk central.

Monday, 31st, i went to work as usual and collected my pay for the 9 days at work after being paid for the other 6 days. That night, we had planned for a LAN tonning session at mark house. Those that ended up there are kel, wk and me, with marcus and aaron deciding not to go on that day. We had canadian pizza, played DOTA, ordered macs at arnd 3 or 4, and eventually kel went to sleep, getting ready to do his project with his cjc friends later on that day. Mark also went to sleep after seeing kel on his bed. And soon, wk joined, on the floor, after noticing that we got nothing to do having only two people. I also slept, only to wake up and say byebye to kel who left early, and at noon, to see wk play AOE3 trail which mark's comp has. I played awhile and eventually we decided to play some wc3. We started off with a standard game, ate noodles which mark's aunt cooked for us, and played custom game - poke'mon world 6.0 after browsing thru the maps mark have. It wasn't a bad game, in fact, it was relatively fun even though i am not a poke'mon lover or viewer.

Friday, 4th, i went to work as usual and met julian in the mrt, we merely nod our heads as greeting and went different ways. Feeling fluish after reaching the workplace, i went home earlier. It's my last day of work, and it ended badly. That night, marcus, je and me went mark hse to play dota and other forms of wc3 games, similiar to that of monday night. Je and i didnt promised or confirmed that we will be going, as Je is Je :/ and i was fluish, but we eventually went. Kel, Jus, Nav, Wk pulled out. Nevertheless, we played thru the whole night and went guitar on saturday. We played a game called dynasty warriors in wc3 mod, it was quite fun, perhaps 12 of us shud try it together 1 day. Mass killing stuff.

Saturday, Mark's father fetched us to guitar ensemble practice and we bought our books while we were there. Monday will be the start of our new term, but before there will be a sense of needing to accomplish something - going to school - there will be a soccer match! - man utd vs chelsea - and i am a man utd fan. It will be a reddish day.

Lets see how's school tml

Life Is An Active Roller Coaster, Going Up And Down... Up And Down...

2005-10-18T22:17:00.000-07:00

Ever sat on a roller coaster? it's slow moving up and plunges down in an instant, yes, that's life to me, but it never excites you when it plunges down. Emotional i am, but when it gets too much, i will readily give it up, i did it before, and i am ready to do it again.

I shall continue where i left off in my blog. Since there was a sudden halt in what i really feel like saying.

I have been working on mondays, tuesdays, thurdays and fridays, so there isn't much to talk about those days just yet.

Last week, wednesday, 12th, i had guitar lesson, continued with aura lee, polishing up the piece playing as guitar one, i am kind of looking forward to hear the full ensemble piece, and more importantly, i am part of it. I love music, especially sentimental ones, but what i wish for most is to produce that music, one day, by myself, that's my motive and interest in music. After guitar, we went for pool at grassroot club. Played till 10+ before going home and prepare for the next day at work.

Friday, 14th, it will be one of my most memorable day, coz it's my 17th birthday, but what made it memorable was that my friends celebrated with me, many great thanks for that. I had only wanted a dinner to catch up on all of you, but navin got a cake for me on behalf of my friends, thank you. Anyway, we ate Prata at serangoon gardens before going ice cube for some desserts, we had our cake there, and they sang a song for me... so nice of them. My mood has been down since sunday, i had wanted to write one article on this day alone, to try and express the massive appreciation i have for u guys, but i can't do it now. thanks alot.

That night, 5 of us went to Mark house to have a night of lan ing, i went there late into 11 and we started playing at 1am, it was great to have 5 playing in the same room, we dota and played other custom games, had macs for breakfast at 5+, delievery, and got on playing till some went to sleep. We play dbz to let Lenny experience it and i knocked off when we fighting the big fat vegeta in gorilla form.

So that night lasted till saturday where we slept, played, slept, played, and i eventually went home at 9+, watched soccer at 10 and continued to play with them in net.

Sunday, you know, i was quite over the moon becoz i really appreciated what friends did for me during my bday. I value friendship alot, and i treat them sincerely with my heart, but i am somewhat too straightforward at times, and sometimes, i wish i am more accepted by friends which my straightforwardness would have hurt it. But that day was great, at least, it make me felt accepted, which is what i am hoping for, i want a close friendship among friends, a bondage never to be broken or crack even while a massive hurricanic events happen. That's what i worked on, lifelong friends.

And yes, two days after one of my memorable day, my roller plunged down, in a way, i had enough. I don't expect life to be always on the hills, high up with the whole capacity filled with fun, enjoyment, but what that brought to me were needless childish conflicts, and it will disturbed me. This is also what i wanted to put right up in my blog, straightforward, every word, without any concern, i got agitated in my chat with kiat and that fiery made me give up everything, that's why i wanted to clear up everything and get secluded. Sorry to kiat for venting.

The thing started when we played 5v5 dota, wk, mark, je, kel and me in 1 team while the other is 4 strangers with moo playing there. The game was messy and moo killed wk quite alot of times. And when kel said, moo killed quite alot, i said "all wk :/", well, what i wanted to do was to do some balancing. Moo used BH, wk used ursa, Wk was alone in 1 lane. and it was easy to do some backstabbing, and all i wanted to say was that moo just kill one day, and planning to tell kel not to worry, for he isn't dominating yet even though he has about 6kills which i think mean nothing just yet. And Wk popped up wif "don kpkb", well, i got agitated and said it was a fact that his kills were all wk, and never explained. The game continued, and wk was suiciding, doing things to disrupt the game, Mark asked for the reason at some point and i merely said, "i think wk is pissed with me" and wanted to explain that he misunderstood. And Mark Instantly came with "don say liao la", "its just a game". This made me felt victimised and i hated it becoz thats what i always say to him when he scold them for dying and doing sorts. I am the one that really treat game below friends, and childish people wanted revenge and seek opportunity to hit back. I said it when it was evident, and i dispise things said just for revenge sake.
I do say where went wrong in games, but i don scold friends for playing badly, becoz i noe not all people are good in games. And Come On, game and friends, which is more important. Ok, i was pissed for the whole duration of the game. And we eventually won it. Then, i went back to IRC, i wanted to sort things out, becoz i believe explainations are important, among friends. i merely admitted i was pissed off in the game and wanted to say the reasons and sort it out. And well, Mark said fuker and quit. woo, so much for 11 years being together. I admire that. Childish.

This Is Crappy

2005-10-17T23:35:00.000-07:00

i had wanted to type a wholesale of things i wanted to say after the barrier was lifted, but it's back in place now, this sux, i knew what i wanted to type and everything was in place. I guess i will have to let it go, and renew my thoughts on my blog. But nothing can be tuned back to normal, especially it just happened just after my most fruitful birthday. ZzZ. I hate to be a victim of misunderstandings, it's too unfair.

Quick Update

2005-10-11T06:28:00.000-07:00

yea, i started work last thursday, 6th. In Taka, anyone wanna meet me during my lunch break? :/

Did nothing in particular except working. Simple stuff, but there're plenty of steps, not easy to be an accountant i guess, i am just a stand in, lucky :D glad i didnt like POA.

Ok, nth much to talk about, i will be working on mon, tues, thurs, fri, any outing on those nights or the rest of the days, tell me ah.

Week Long Happenings ++

2005-10-04T04:10:00.000-07:00

It had been a week since i finished my exams, and a carefree life is always full of fun, indeed, it was fun, but it's not perfect yet, but i know it will get better when all my closest friends (EoD) finishes their exams.

Last Monday, 26th, Mark, Daniel and i went back go sgss to talk about nyp, it was quite fun, although Mr Paul Tan(PT) posed some questions that are difficult to answer... example - how you find the girls in nyp? Well, we did fine and the whole programme went well. During the programme, Mr Stanley Tan(ST)and Ms Jackie Cheng(JC) were around, well, i admire the way ST taught us a-maths, at least, he made it understandable, especially when my maths foundation collasped under Raymond Ng. ST is also the teacher that i think, interact wif my class the most. He's definitely a teacher i feel pleasant with. While JC never taught me, she's quite a helpful teacher, mixing strictness with jokes. Of course, both noticed mark's hair... those who saw should get what i mean :/, Mark sported an outstanding hairdo. After the whole affair, we walked arnd the school, gaining back some old memories, it's 4 years there, quite a long time although we only spent 1 year in the new building. Nevertheless, it's great to see how different the school look, after the construction work had been done. I still remember i let off a tear during my pri 6 guaduation day when i was suppose to get a prize as 2nd in class. It came unknownly, for 6 years, you are in the same place, and suddenly, u are going to leave it and proceed to the next phase of your life. Maybe i am too emotional, lol. But the memories just flashes pass and the people you get to interact with are always in your heart. We went back after that, and i fell asleep soon after, having only afew hours of rest.

Tuesday Night, 27th, Je, Wk, and me tonned at mark hse. For? Wc3-FT marathon. Haha, we started off playing dota, trying out funny combos and got on playing other custom games. Namely, Sheep Tag, Kitty Run, Warchasers, Helms Deep, Troy. between the games, we ordered macs for a quick breakfast arnd 5+, big breakfast, quite long never eat already. Reasons? i rarely eat fastfood unless wif friends and? it's breakfast! while i am a well known pig, when there's a need for my sweet dreams. It was fun, playing with them whole night, but Mark and JE got tired and we stopped, ending up wif me and wk playing kitty run and eventually parted with me needing to go NDC for my dental appointment. Went back after the appointment and had a sleep, before waking up to go NYP for the lecturer's Sports For Life. or Of Life? Not sure. Some familiar faces there, but mostly strangers, we helped out PT as he is the DJ for the event. They have gotten a better system and helping out was easy, lowering and uping the volume only, and presenting some prizes. It ended at 6, and we went for some food, i didnt eat since that night we tonned, last night that is. Chicken Rice, and we went guitar, with Aaron joining us. Ah Ha! our enrichment conductor came back! he has a more friendly presence, and i felt fortunate with him as our new conductor. Learning guitar is full of fun, reading the notes and playing it out, how i wish i could master it soon, and play it as freely as i can. I still prefer piano though, hoping someone can one day spend time to teach me, lol. During guitar, i found that 1 of my friend is becoming a different person, at least not the person i knew before we went different classes in upper sec, maybe i interpreted wrongly though. Anyway, we went pool after guitar, with mark getting the boot for wearing slippers, i accompanied Aaron though, knowing he likes pool and i never go out with him as often as those regulars in EoD, Aaron just suddenly stopped coming EoD, his reason: scared of virus. Yea, Pool was great fun, but not as fun as it was in my heart positioning. Aaron stayed with me till my bus came and we got home respectively, ending the day out.

Friday, 30th, it was JE bday, and i realized that i didnt know wats the date of his bday. wat a friend am i, haha, but its becoz he never said :/ and i wasn't really always going out with him during our sec 4 days. He's always going home, not even participating in soccer games which my class usually have. Although, i don have his bday in mind, i still gave my blessing to him upon knowing it :/ and i think that shud be enuff for now, lol... till the next time, next year that is. haha, but i rarely do anything for people's bday now... i always wanted to do something personally for them, a pic, a spam, or anything that i do it myself, bday is once a year, and its always a good time to show care. After sec3 or sec4, i rarely does that already, perhaps due to the many problems i have then, but i think i got over it already. Life is boring, but i shud do something about it to derive the fun i desire right? Ok, Happy Bday again JE.

Soccer Weekend, and i stayed at home, lol. Nothing much to talk about.

Yesterday, 3rd oct, my bioclock changed, and i now wakes up around noon. I was supposed to start work on tues, but it was postponed to thurs instead, thus the time for blog :). My poly friends had a bball gathering which i didnt go, sorry to them here, maybe i will go the next time around. That night, JE, WK, Len, Mark and i had dinner together, then proceed on to pool and lan, typical, as Singapore doesn't have much to do, the only few things i want to do now is sports like soccer which i misses so much, badminton which i find it fun, and tennis sorts which many of my friends participate in. Other things? What do Singapore have for us to do? Not much i guess...

Some other issues

You may know the girl i mentioned, but i am not trying to avoid or fend you off, i didnt reply ur msn becoz i was in a game, which i don alt tab becoz there's no free time except after dying inside. And i usually see how the game goes and learn when i die. Thus, i wont know who msged me till the game ends, i am sorry for it too, esp when u went offline and i didnt have the chance to reply when i came out. I don't like having misunderstandings, but u seem to not believe by saying fine, its the truth, i am not lying. But its still my fault though, sorry. As for the girl you know, please don think too much, she's like became my close friend and suddenly we never talked, thats why i felt weird, nothing much in it though, it just weird to have a sudden change. It has been 4 months, you know what i mean, friends to me are not just come and go, its lifelong friends, and a sudden breakdown makes me wonder. Watever i think, i know the other party have another thinking, but friends are still friends. Ok, i am kinda typing a riddle out, but i don want to reveal what i think though, becoz it may not be the actual fact.

Ok i noe one friend is getting worked up wif me, well, there're bound to be conflicts when we have different thinkings and always in touch wif one another. I am still my straightforward guy, but i will try to lessen it. But please think together wif me what u did, felt and said too.

Ok, End of this article. Good luck to friends wif promos, lets have a nice time together after promos k? Time to Sleep

Post Exam - Night Riding

2005-09-24T19:58:00.000-07:00

Without anything to bother about, without any boundaries to act upon, that's what carefree life after exams are all about. Now, i can decide what i want to do with my free time, at least till the day i go to work during october.

Besides the DOTA games we played, we went for a night riding on thursday. Destination? East Coast, from Hougang, and hey, what a day it was.

We rode to East Coast before and it was nothing new, but it was meant to be a "suay" day. The signs surfaced even before i borrowed the bike from Kelvin.

One of my bike was punctured, while the other could only be rode on 1 leg as the left paddle was loose.

I decided to ride the latter bike to kel's hse as i didn't favour the bus ride. Mark followed along. It started off well, everything was okay and i was able to ride upslope with 1 leg easily, then came the downslope where my right paddle, the only paddle fell off!, it couldnt be kept in place properly after then... Thus, i walked to kel's house, sometimes sitting on the bike during downslope. That's the 1st Ominous sign. Alright, i got to his house and rode his bike to Mark's house to meet Fabian, we prepared our drinks and proceeded to East Coast, and the worst thing happened, Mark's bike punctured around Eunos, half way to East Coast... We went to a nearby prata shop for a break and thought of all the possible ways out. No lucky star, nothing seem to be on our side. No spare bike, no 24hours bike shop. Eventually, mark rode on his punctured bike, not bad eh? to East Coast. And there was confusion there, i was on the neutral side but i thought we would be out whole night, so, i thought we would be arnd East Coast, waiting for daybreak and repair mark's bike before proceeding back home. But Fabian wanted to go back as they are going town the next day. So, we went back soon after, and mark bike began to give more problems, the rubber came off and got stucked, he had to do maintenance and at every 5mins intervals after that. Just after the place his bike got punctured, he did another maintenance, this time, taking out the whole piece of internal rubber, leaving just the external, and it is proven to work better, no more maintenance needed, just the need to cautiously ride over the bumps as it may spoil his rim. Anyway, it was about 3-4am then and there were not much cars around, we ended back in hougang at 4+. And that sums up our night riding day.

Disappointed Self

2005-09-18T15:47:00.000-07:00

17th of sep is my father's bday, i remember it vividly, as in... the date. This week, i knew his bday is close, but i seemingly 4got about it on the day itself again. During a night when i was in Sec 1, when i was playing darkages like a moron, my brother called me down, wat for? i asked, to cut a cake for my father bday. At that moment, i got so shocked and was overwhelmed by sadness. My father dotes on me, hmm... not me alone, he dotes on his children, a lovely father. And me, being his son, 4got his bday. That night, i was so angry with myself i almost cried. Unfilial.

Seemingly, These few years, although i remember his bday, i would 4get about it during that day itself... My heart will hurt, a sadness unexplainable, but there's nothing i can do about it, it's too late, I just hope i would remember and amend my faults, and give my dad a lovely bday celebration.

Happy bday

Some Comments

2005-09-18T05:00:00.000-07:00

I have been playing DOTA recently with my friends from EoD, and NYP. The game is alright, fun and enjoyable. But like always, game attitudes exist.

In this article, i will be writting about someone, not as a criticism, but just an opinion of mine which i always say out to friends. It awkward, my desire in friendships is to get along with it without much conflicts, but there's always an element in me which always say out things i dislike about them, which normally emerges in games. This is me, not particularly good, but so be it, i am myself.

Gaming with friends, should be fun and interactive, only hahaha and no ccb in layman terms. It can be competitive to a certain degree, but never should it evolve into hostility. People don't usually like to lose, they play to win, but against friends, it's either your friends win, or you win, shouldn't you be happy that your friends win too? Ok, maybe you are at the receiving end, but does it matter? What is the true value of friendship?

My gaming entics are to have fun, improve on it, and that's it. The only time i would really want to win is when i feel i have to prove something, example: lost the previous round, or when enemies pissed me off by using vulgarities, sarcasm or something similiar. Those are the only times i would play with that winning urge.

In Gunbound, after i recre8ed a character and was seeking a good record of wins, i did indeed feel disappointed when i lose, maybe saying where the problem lies if it's my friend that did the mistake. But never scolding them.

Losing and winning is part and parcel of gaming, no one always win and no one always lose, people can seek to win, but should show the sportsmanship of a hand shake even if they lose, and not get hostile over it. Yes, after losing, we can seek revenge, a rematch, a challenge, to do better than the previous round and correct the mistakes we did.

I seriously dislike to see vulgarities in game, as in, those which the scolder isn't scolding him/herself. Some maybe jokes, but most jokes to me are just excuses and for other reasons. Like showing superiority etc. As though an acknowledge that they are good must be instant, but what is good and bad? Playing a game better is good? Or playing a game with sportsmanship is good? Everyone should spare a thought for others.

These are what i think and feel. Everyone has a different thinking which may differ from me.

Before i start the article, i would like to clarify something in DOTA.

Games do get boring, especially when there's no motive in it. It's similiar to playing mmorpg for a certain period, afterwhich you would lose the motive, the element that kept you playing it, either for the sake of friends, fun, interaction, exploration etc.

But it's different to get bored and practically give up. In relation to DOTA, die afew times and decide not to try anymore.

Reason:
One is bored from the starting, a lost of motivation.
One is bored from self disappointment, a sense of inferiority and denial of superiority. Ego Problem basically.

Some people learn games faster, there're various reason for it, it can be due to the time spent, the motivation, the desires, the view of games, and many more. So, faster gamers should acknowledge that there're slower gamers, and slower gamers should acknowledge that there're faster gamers. But it all accounts to the same once they have those same kind of time spent, motivation... etc. I don't really believe in talents.

Ok, about the person in game i want to type about.

Egoistic person actually, treat some particular friends as enemy just becoz he can't accept someone better than him. Especially when the time spent is about the same. All is fair in game as long as you follow the rules, but he would pop out and say lame, for some particular reason. Basically got arrogant becoz of some achievement in life, it (arrogance) grew in him, be it through jokes, or any statement, it will constantly grow. hmm... lemme take a side step and explain what i meant.

People handle praises differently, some will get them deep rooted into their mind and believe they are unique, better than others. Any setback after this deep rooted thinking will erupt into some frustrations, reason? afraid of being banished back to what he was before. Ok another side step.

People start gaming naively, no view of good or bad, it's like those pure thoughts of a child. So, there's no such thing as pro or lousy. And people start as being lousy normally. As it go along, this naiveness would disappear, leave only the pro and lousy element. With the naiveness of a new gamer, being lousy will not deal much of an impact, but when the naiveness is gone, A requirement of being a pro is needed to sustain a clear mind. Not quite clear though, what i meant was something similiar to society, dreamland and realistic world. When something is required to do, instead of people doing something they like to do.

Back, arrogance grow when acknowledge of goodness is achieved, that's what i see those "jokes" are about, calling others noob. It's ok to ask, whether u improved, or some sort, but it's bad to self declare i rocks or some sort. If you are good, people will know, what's the need for the acceleration and fear that no one see you as someone better in some terms.

This leads to a hostility while playing game. Any certain sentence can lead to sarcasm in you, and that's what most of the gamers nowadays are developing, causing gaming not as fun as it was before. Who would like to do something which does not have those substances and elements that he seek?

I may have some more things to say, but i will leave it till next time. I will end this article with the most recent thing my friend did.

It was a game of 5v5, as the game went on, it became 5v3, and the 5 group was winning, one guy from the 3 group said, "gg, my team got two leavers those sort", one sentence only, i don quite remember the exact sentence... but thats the meaning of the sentence. And my friend pop up and say "so?"

It wasn't much, but it shows some attitude in him, it is true that there are two leavers, that guy may be finding excuses, but he did get a fact right, he may feel that it wasn't a match that reflect how he plays and suggested about two leavers, so... why bother? let him say... why must say a "so?" to show that we dominated and will win even if two fellows never leave? It is just a game.

Lets hope all games revert back to when it all started, when there's no comparison. Especially among friends. Or hope no one take good praises into their mind too seriously and see himself as a "Mourinho".

All is just but a game

Free~!!

2005-09-07T19:19:00.000-07:00

haha! finished semester presentation, project and everything! now left 3 exams hahahhahahahhaha, such a busy 3 weeks... finally its all over, can sleep and wake up late already :) got quite alot of things to say actually, but i decided to give it a miss.

Previous Post Clarification

2005-08-29T19:53:00.000-07:00

hmm.. the last part where the "take longer period to like than hate" thing, i don really mean that sentence, as in not hate. it reminds in a sense of, how fast can something change.

Where is my True Light?

2005-08-29T02:51:00.000-07:00

It do seems now that whenever i blog, i am blogging about something in the darkness. When your life is on the uphill, you have plenty of good stuffs to write about; When your life is on the downhill, hell knows you are part of their membership. I had my good times, and now, it seems that everything is coming to a crumble. As people grow, we experience more stuffs, encounter more happenings, understand how devious a person can get. Maybe i should have gone to a JC 1st instead, i am not quite ready to be up against some injustice. I am a justice-seeker... Why am i suffering due to that? It's gimme me a headache, or am i just getting worked up early due to my sensitive self...? Only time knows the answer. I have to admit, i am of the weaker hearted.

What am i? I had been coming up against some injustice that i had met, believing that i did the right thing, addressing for those who got let down for some people trying to seek enjoyment, not only friends, but strangers as well. But what i feeling now is not what i would feel as the person i used to be, not the person who believe such stuffs anymore, not the person who believe that justice prevails. I want to be a good guy, and to be a good guy, i will have to sacrifice some stuff, that's what i found out in my 16 years living. But some stuff cant be sacrificed, especially when others are trying to make u sacrifice that... it doesn't seem right to let it go and let the other party claim what they want, it doesn't match the way a perfect world should be, it doesn't befit the ideal world every child should have in their mind till their get to know stuffs. The world to me now... Is a snatch, i donwan to get involved in it, but i am feeling it already. When will it drastically be my turn to be at the receiving end? Soon, i propose... sadly. But at least, i still believe i am determined enough not to be at the villian end.

Sciences, maths, languages, which is the biggest subject we people need to learn? none of these... it's communications. It's ideal if everyone get the actual meaning of what you want to say, but it's terrible if everyone get the wrong meaning of what you want to say. It is kind of doing injustice too... But i understand that miscommunications do take place and misunderstandings do occur. That's why i wish that communication can be an easier skill to master, not for me alone, but for everyone. Whenever a miscommunication took place, explainations will do a heavenly job. But explainations are communications too, and they may be misinterpretted too. Maybe, unconsciously, that's the reason i started and wanted a blog too. To explain in a private room where you can slowly think and get the right message out, like an open book exam with ample amount of time, or... infinite amount of time. That helps too.

People are difficult to explain, different people acts differently and behaves differently. But when u found something about some people you know, there's an urge to tell others what u felt, hoping to get some answers, or to warn others. But on the other view, those can become gossips which provide misunderstandings. Hard to get everything right, right? i surely thinks so. What we can try, is to get most things right, but it's hard to get most thing right when no one really understand what kind of person are you, especially when you aren't a person that talks often. That do explain part of my life. I don't usually talk about myself, don't really like doing so... but when some bad incidents happen... i really feel like letting people i concern, and hope they are concern about me know. To have someone that understand some of your plight, share some of your burden with consolations... But what are consolations when others will never feel the state you are in? perhaps similiar, but never identical. You can only thank them for letting you know that they are by your side, at least, to feel that there will still be people around you even when you perceive the world hopeless.

Modern games are a threat to friendships. People tends to compare themselves to others. Heard this? "Who is more pro?", this will be a talking point in every modern games there are now, even among friends. It wasn't till afew years ago when i discovered this... prior to this, i had played some modern games with some friends, and never encountered that sort of feeling till that few years ago. in those earlier times, friends fight for each other, never getting upworked by each other much, and i respect that. I miss those times seriously... But it's all over, i had seen the other side, and this convey the same meaning in real life. People now can get fired up with friends who burden their game plan... it can be understood in same way as... "i donwanna waste my time" but... think about the other side, what do friends really mean? i believe that friends should be supportive. Having talked to some other internet friends, the friendships among me are kind of different from theirs, its partially here and there, but they are all good friends to me... just not the way i really wanted to be in... some of them though, not all. Together with this, i learned about peer influrence, it's a big thing to me, 1 of the biggest thing that will affect people lives. Studying is also about peer influrence, some may think, primary school? anyhow choose loh... all the same, smart kids get smart grades. Yes, people have different learning abilities, some learn fast, some learn slow, some like studying, some don't, all people tends to learn things they like faster. And what makes them like stuffs? when they try stuffs. That's why peer influrence is a big thing to me, as people often starts trying things their friends do. this relates to sentences, "it takes a longer period to like a guy than to hate a guy", "once you try a drug, you will get addictted to it". No, i don't really mean the meaning of the sentences, but i do want to extract the positive and negative effects of the sentences. Seemingly, it takes longer period for good things compared to bad things. And that's perfectly true, never to be doubted. what do i mean by, the same as? well... when someone taste something bad but feels good, he will continue to do that, it's addictive, even though you know it's bad. And seemingly... all bad things are addictive... becoz its the faster route to get stuffs and an easier route to derive pleasure. That's what i mean.

Upon writing this sentence, "it takes a longer period to like a guy than to hate a guy". It reminded me of the article by which this blog started. How is it possible for two person to completely end all conversations between them when it is a just afew days ago when it's seemingly endless? Don't get the wrong idea of this few sentences that i wrote about an issue i wanted to close up. I don't want to go into a relationship that easily and that eagerly, but i just don't understand why. that's all.

I am kind of a busy person lately, having involved in two projects and a game and it isn't a time for me to update my blog, but i just felt there are things in my mind that i needed to write out. So i poped in here and write those things i had in mind...

*Think about this: What is your 1st impression when a friend tells you he is a busy person?*

Think about it first :)
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I always thinks about the words i say, and i added those words to let you think about the sentence i said in the * *. Although what i meant about "busy person" is not in the manner i said before the * *, it may have some a little effect on it, and what u felt is what friendship means. Of coz... it will be different with different friends.

One Down, Two To Go

2005-08-23T22:36:00.000-07:00

Finally, 1/3 of the busy pre semestral break is over... but there's 2/3 more manz... projects and projects... presentations and presentations... how i wish to get all this over with and get my well deserved break :/ i wouldn't be bloging often till then.

Anyway, i got so engrossed in guitar lately... and would spend every possible amount of free time to practice it... i cant wait to be able to play music freely... it really gives me a over the moon feeling, i love music~! But... it's still a long way though... to be able to play just by reading off the scores... music langauge.

Ever since sec 2, i had decided to take the poly route, perhaps becoz my bro took that route, but i felt something more in it, something i feel that i will be able to do taking that route. Now, i noe what is it, it's the management of time. I never liked to read dead books, theories or ways of applying them, i feel that it corrupts my brain. With exams just around the corner, my jc friends are busy studying for their promos, and i felt the good part about poly. I am able to do what i prefer with the time i have after i do finish something required to, like music, learning guitar, instead of spending all of my time on books which i am subjected to. Life should be doing things you like too right?

Friends may come and go, contacts may be lost, but i feel that maybe we can do something to prevent that outcome.

Relating to the friends network thing
Some comments from my friend, Kel's "must intro to us". Yea, of coz i would intro my new friends to my other friends, but how will that opportunity come about when we are in different schools? We may not try to think about it and leave it to, "Maybe one day... both sides can meet and we can intro to each other." But how will that happen? There will not be such day. It is also impossible especially when i saw what kel typed. I understand what he want to say, but that is what i feel, obstructing the integration of friends which i feel he and i want. Jus asked him to go his hse on friday for mahjong or something, and he said, if he and another friend go, it would be kinda extra, as he is from "other class", least mentioning other school. That's why i thought we must act on it to try and achieve it. Of coz... people must not have those "self thoughts" which i hate so much.

I wanted to have a common thing that interests people of our age to do. Only with that, we can all gather together and have something to talk about which is essential becoz that will kickstart communications.

The question is
Is it possible for a group of friends to be a core, doing something everyone may like to do, pull in people around them, into 1 big group? Some people dislike games, sports, Outings, etc. What can be the common thing that may connect everyone together? Again, that cant be answered unless we do something about it. Maybe, we can portray the outcome by analysing others' behaviours and coming out with a conclusion. But there is a doubt whether it is true... i personally think we should ask and try... but there's another problem. What is the subject to ask on? what can be the common thing. We should search for something 1st, of coz! after exams which are important, but again... after exams may be too late. It is holiday after exam where people may be free, but this thing will need planning, and it will eat into it.

Just some thoughts, never reread to check. I gota do my proj now... maybe i will check next time, but there's nothing offensive inside, unless some english error may cause it. AND ALSO... if there's something weird, please tell me, i don have the time to reread now. Drawing time~

As i am writing, i feel that this is a bad article that doesn't really portray what i want to say. I will write on this issue again next time.

Worst day in poly - realistic life

2005-08-18T00:14:00.000-07:00

what an idiotic day i had today, it was very very very terrible.

If horoscope are anything to go by, i am a libra, people who want justice. Indeed, that sort of signify me, i want a justified world, a "perfect" world, maybe i am a perfection seeker. It disgust me when i see someone doing things, in a bad manner, to get what they want. I will wonder why can't they get what they want in a good way, and i sort of noe why, there aren't justice in the world, there is only fast or slow, and using a bad way is the faster to get the things u wanted, and this is ideal in a world without a father judge. But i still dislike this actions, as it makes the world sink deeper into the injustice side, i doesn't want to be one and friends that does that hurt me deeply.

People often say, don't hold grudges. I often wonder whether it is better or right to hold grudges, and i got my answer. Actions, Behaviour, Implications, Thinkings, everything are different, everything has a different evaluation. Maybe you should forget about people giving u a kick in your butt, but other things that people did, can never be forgiven, as they meant to do it in the expense of your feelings. You sow what you reap, if people doesn't bother about others, why do you bother about them? no, i don't mean ignore, becoz there aren't justice in the world, if you are a good guy, repay what blessing befalled to you, including those evils one, maybe i do mean revenge, but thats between a guy with an enemy, what if the other is someone that is not your nemesis?

*Somethings are not thought of before actions are done, but i think that everyone should be able to think, will the things they do, implicate or harm others*

It started with the autocad lesson.
The teacher gave us a mini test that is impossible to complete, none, including the teacher, can finish it all by himself during the time given.

We got about doing the job, trying our best, and thought of ways to complete it. After doing some, we splited, each do one, and we transfer to one another later. This will make it possible to finish the whole thing. And this is the reason i started the terrible day. It's the teacher fault too, he's like a corrupted magistrate of the ancient China, give him money, benefits, or do things he like, and u will be able to get a offical post from him. It's weird on the other hand, it's your friend involved, u want him to do well, but its a confused feeling when he may be able to do well, in a way perceived by normal people as bad, not the "guang ming zhen da" way.

Lets think of another thing, do you make friend with people of integrity or with people that will give u benefits? Being the guy i am, i make friends with people that isn't that horrific in the way they do things, i am a justice seeker, and doesn't like things to be done in the injustice way, including the things your friends do. I mean, if ur friend do what u hate, yes, he can still be your friend, but not the perfect friend that wont have self thoughts when it involves each other. This friends are hard to find. Extremely hard as people are getting more and more self conscious... and i hate to face that reality, but it feel even worse when u care about others who doesn't care about you once they may get something, worse, even in the expense of you. I am thinking of that possibility and that leads me back to how i felt during my 1st few days into and prior of poly.

*You will have impressions about your friends, what kind of person he is, and what he may do in some situations*

Ok, Back to it, yes, something that is impossible to finish. We splited, he did the last one needed to do and i did the one before. The teacher came, wow! you finished the 1st 1 already, so good, fantastic, fabulous... so on, thinking that he is so great as he started with the last 1 needed already. He didnt speak of the truth, he played on with it, to get a definite A. Well, it is ok, if your friend can get a A even if he did something bad, a lie, this is a corrupted world, u may only get the good things through mean ways. But it's another case when you got others implicated, let me explain. The teacher thought of him of a different calibre, compared with others and shoot at them. My friend who played on is closer to me than anyone else in the class, but what he had done and harm other people becoz the bloody teacher has the "Can finish wat... he finished, why cant others". He shoot other people in my class, and they didnt noe they got cheated. It was indeed an impossible mission, but lies covered it up and made a great guy who could finish it and pushed others to inferior status. Although i aren't pretty much affected but also affected abit, i got such an idiotic feeling, it's like, no one will not think about only themselves. That made me disgusted becoz i had wished people to spare a thought for others, to be able to, but even a close friend of me can't, what can i expect from others? I thought about this sentence the whole day and it really feel bad. i can't really explain it. No one may understand me, but i will try to explain it later on.

Ok, that was 1 case, the other, the teacher wanted it to be submitted, uploaded. It can't be finished and my friend didn't have that work done. Lie passed thru, and it may get exposed. And hey, instead of telling the teacher the truth and spare others from the agony of inferior status when the teacher shoot them, he thought about himself again. Asked for the completion of the impossible mission from others which is basically impossible to have, and went for another way to secure an escape route. Like i said, i did part of the 1st part, and he did part of the 2nd part, none completed, the lesson was over, we were supposed to go after the teacher chased us off, my friend stayed, do the 2nd part, asked the teacher to see that he is good which basically just need time to do and try to secure that A again, without thinking about others. I mean, why can't he stick to reality, speak of justice and say, "it can't be finished" becoz it really cant be finished and have the teacher to accept that fact and don think of other people as incapable. This is what i connected to everything that had happened. That Sucks becoz people want to gain acknowledge even though it's not the right way to!!! IT SERIOUSLY BOTHERS ME!!! and worse, even my friend does it.

The rest of the day were some frustrations, but what seriously made my day bad is the autocad lesson.

I do try my best to think of others 1st, it bothers me when others cant think of others, and do things just for the sake of themselves, and if even a friend won't even think of you, how will other people think about other people to create that type of ideal world where everyone is sensitive to everyone feelings, and try not to hurt them.

Seriously, life is a burden, imagine a utopia, justice prevails thing, will there be such a place? or will there be always a need to CARE ABOUT YOURSELF 1ST!? i am tired of life, too bothersome, idiotic, freaking stupid to have such a cycle. Why not let the Earth explode? get it all done with? or let everyone be a form of Low IQ animal? no feelings, not much thoughts, just get on with the "san jis".

It's Over

2005-08-16T18:22:00.000-07:00

Chicken Murtabak!? Just half of it made me give up! so full! 1st time i felt full even before finishing my meal... thats rare, thinking that i didnt have a heavy lunch earlier in the day... But i finished it though, lolz... After dinner, we went icecube for some deserts... but i was so full and my friend wanted me to get something, instead, i went for a ride where i discovered another route to my godmother hse from serangoon gardens. Got back after touring around and went pool with wk, len and mark. Played till 10+ and got home eventually. Watched some tv, felt tired and went lalaland after that :D

It had been two months. Not even a word was interchanged between us, i don't have an answer to the reason for it. Although i would like to know why, i didnt ask but i got my reasons for not asking.

It's nice to have someone who is special, someone who can share ur burden and joy, to show concern for and to be concerned. It's something like acknowledgement, people would like to be part of someone's life, feel attended to, feel like "being someone", finding acknowledgement of yourself, having someone to acknowledge you, having importance in someone.

I didnt wanted friends to read about this blog where i started due to the confusion i got, but some read it becoz i posted it in friendster at 1st due to friendster emailing system and then on irc where i spilled it, talking about a blog. My friends found it as its my usual kcsh88 and read about it. Being curious, they wanted to know the whole story, i understand, i will get curious too, but there's somethings that can't be said. I will say part of it here.

To my curious friends,
Indeed, like i said, it's like a dream to have a company, it's a want, but not a "chiong" where despos do. Perhaps it's also part of curiosity as to what feelings do people feel to have a company, but frankly, it's what everyone will want. Although my determination is quite fickled, i am someone who leaves it to fate.
Having my flaws, i lack of the confidence that i need for my pursue for a ideal relationship, it's like giving it your best shot, i mean, i got friends' friends, friends, or even brother who treats their gf in a manner i don't wish i would. I want my special person to be happy, perhaps not the happiest, but the happiest i could. I was not ready for it in my heart, i know it, but she said she liked me and i opened up. That's the reason i will not say her name nor anything relating. In fact, i felt she doesn't really suit me, we have our differences, and thats the reason why i never asked, i didnt noe whether i really liked her, or is it just becoz we never talked. These things are easily confused, Love, Like, Attention, i didnt really figured out what i felt, even till today, i won't really know, but i got over it and felt more confident. Anything it is, It's Over about this issue... maybe till i figured out more things. So ah... my answer is also emphasized here... i am sorry but i will not say and hope you guys don't ask about it already, it's not i don't treat u guys as important friends, you all are important to me, i said many times, i am a sentimental guy, people that crossed my life, everyone of you friends are important to me, but whether i am towards u guys are for u guys to say. I had my regrets about some people in sec3 or 4, but it's the way life is, people think their way, and we think our way. Ok... that's all i got to say, i will definitely tell u guys when i got my feelings right or clear-cut. There's nothing to hide from friends except things that may implicate others.

Straigthened

2005-08-10T22:46:00.000-07:00

1st day back in school which ended in the afternoon, haha, finally got our locker and hopefully there will be space to put some sports equipment to play after school some days in the future.

*Communication is important, explain things, don't leave it for what you think it is or will be. At times, things are unexplainable, these things are potential bricks that were supplied for a Berlin Wall, you may just have to assume people got the true idea of yours, for consolation. But what if it's a direct opposite? Life is tiring, boring, where only "self thinking" will benefit more*

Nation Birthday

2005-08-09T22:06:00.000-07:00

9th august, it's singapore's birthday again, it had been a year since the last national day. Although i aren't a firm believer of "time flies" as i believe that its wat we do that help us determine the speed of time passing us, this time, i felt that it passed fast on me. Perhaps its becoz of the way i lived my life for this life, it's sad, it felt like a year without any desireable memories to keep. Last year, the year before... almost every year, i have some memories to keep, both good or bad. But this time, there isn't, it is a weird feeling, a feeling that you want to get rid of, yet without solution. I had been feeling low ever since the end of my o's, everything seem so unappealing towards me, health exploits, desired life, everything is not what i wanted. Since then, i had been thinking, what if i have a terminal illness? Death is not what people want, not something people look forward to, people may feel a sting whether they thought of it, but it changed in me, i don mind leaving the face of this earth. Maybe this is what depression meant.

*Friendships, Relationships, Kinships. They are valuable yet suffering stuffs. Enjoyable when there's a smooth ride, yet a tradegy when it aren't right. I am a relatively emotional guy, sensitive guy, and is someone who can't take much setbacks. These setbacks may be from myself, but its mostly things which i evaluate that made me ponder much about. People personalities, behaviour, everything makes me wonder why are they like that. This seriously is sickening, i wished to be another guy, someone that is similiar to many of my friends, but how will i be able to do that? I am who i am, a guy who rarely gets into the true heart of friends*

Changes in Blog

2005-08-05T11:47:00.000-07:00

I decided not to post much about my daily life, just some thoughts that i derived if something happened in my life.

Nothing much on tues and wed, stayed at home.

Thursday was my last paper and i went out for pool after it. Wk came along and we decided to go his hse for Ps2 or some sort, but ended up playing mahjong after his bro suggested, gotten my 1st offical Da San Yuan with wk my victim. Being the last day of lunar 6th month, i rushed home in a cab to prevent my parents from being worried by their "better believe than sorry". Reached home close just before midnight.

*Do people usually see what they did in heroics than what they did in disgust or what others tried to contribute? People tend to drift apart if there is a gap of togetherness for even a moment. This gap will never be closed once it is opened as one another won't know what to speak of to the other. In any case, people seek what they prefer, people have to respect that for the term, there's only "one lifetime", but this do lead to selfishness. If one thinks that he/she is doing more heroics, try thinking about self thoughts of evil fantasy or thoughts in hope that others won't feel. I do believe in people being able to feel what others can feel, maybe not the depth of it, but definitely it's what you intend to do with it that let you find the meaning of the word. Myself*

Test Week!

2005-08-01T22:43:00.000-07:00

Sunday, lazed around on sofa... trying to read and absorb what is going to be tested on monday... do u think i can? haha...

Monday, test day, feeling sick again, tml will be critical...

*What is more important? Health or Money? This phase is so commonly heard in daily life, reminding us that health is more important than anything as without health, you won't be able to do anything. But, does it mean that having good health is ideal? What does the world have for your health to explore? Is it full of fun? joy? care? love? or hatred? cunning acts? hidden scheme? devious people? Ask youself, will you prefer to live a short fruitful life or a long boring life?*

Swimming Handphone

2005-07-30T23:15:00.000-07:00

Friday, my handphone is gone! haha, was washing my hands and it found it tempting to play with water and went swimming... well, with a nudge from me though, and it drowned. Not workable anymore... haiz, anyway, i went out without handphone and was courting death. Len and i agreed to meet at the arcade before going for dinner... He was inside all along while i was standing outside, "hugging" the railing anticipating his arrival. I went in to check too... but not thoroughly and did not see him. Eventually, we met due to my only 20cent coin :/ payphone haha. Only 4 people went for the dinner on friday, kel and jus were busy, je's mother bday was on this day, nav was apparently the worst victim while others rarely come. Nav ponned his tldds for the dinner, only to be told suddenly by kel and jus that they aren't going and it was cancelled i think, and no one told him that we were going... haiz. Anyway, we had pow sing chicken rice and walked to mark hse to stay overnight.

Saturday, went back home at 3 after some ps2 and risk lol, ate lunch, watched tv with my father... dinner and went online, nothing much really.

*Get a backup for your friends' contacts, imagine that you only save their contact numbers within the small little simcard only. If one day that is gone, you will lose some precious contacts*

Bored bored bored

2005-07-28T23:05:00.000-07:00

Thursday, boring... woke up and lie on sofa...... came online, nothing to do at all, bathed, got ready, went for guitar, short guitar day, came home, ate dinner, came online, nothing else to do, how!!!

*What is there to do in life? What for do we fight to live? Can we conclude that live is like a mmorpg whereby once u think u noe most of it, it gets boring?*

Watery Money

2005-07-27T22:20:00.000-07:00

Tuesday and Wednesday, spent money like water these few days... all on one thing... pool. Woke up around 10am... continued to learn the chorus of an jing, guitar. Around noon, Beng Hong smsed and called, asking me to go out and study for next week tests... but i was still not in the mood to, so i decided to go mark house to play guitar with him. Beng Hong and Henry came too, to study... haha... for 1 hour only. Then we played ps2... and eventually went for dinner and pool with wk joining us after his school. Money spent on pool again, played quite long, till midnight i think, then i went home to bathe, washup and brush before going to mark house for the preplanned "Ton", practically played WE11 the whole early morning till around 5 after mark decided that he should have enough sleep :/ typical lol, and so we rested. Woke up in the morning, only to play ps2 with wk. Wk went home around 11:30 and i stayed on till 3, playing guitar and experimenting a new piece, Tong Hua. At home, i slept after having some snack as lunch, woke up during the late evening for dinner... and went online to pop in here.

Marking the True Beginning of Guitar

2005-07-26T12:24:00.000-07:00

Monday, 1st day of the study week break, was actually anticipating a boring day wandering at home lol. But mark and i learned planned to play a guitar piece together and so we got a score for the guitarpro programme and learned it, An Jing by Jay Zhou, i don really enjoy his songs, but music is a different thing. Although An Jing is a piano piece, the 9th verse of the piece can be played by the guitar, its relatively nice too. Meanwhile, Dennis, a friend of mine who is addicted to pool suddenly wanted to play and so we met at amk kpool to play, after playing, we had dinner and then proceeded to our guitar lesson. Learned a latin piece, nice haha, getting addicted to guitar already. After the lesson, i went home and daryl came to borrow some games, mark came along and we chatted till 11:30. This is quite a nice day.

*Being confident is a virtue, but not in excess though. Accept deflects, don't find excuses, accept losses, get back up with a challenge. Lifes can be made better by a balance, in you and towards others*

Sunny Friturday's Playstation 2

2005-07-24T23:10:00.000-07:00

Friday, last day of school before a study break week. Had two tests and then went for dinner with my secondary school friends. Ate prata and went to icecube later on, haha and i made a bundle in icecube. My friends wanted water and i was free to help, i went to get them a couple of cups... but... when i was pouring water into the cup, the lid of the jug fell off! and the floor had a mini tsunami, haiz... anyway, we went to kel's hse after that for winning eleven session and went home afterwards.

*Acknowledgement and praises, part and parcel of life that people seek and like to hear. its nice hearing "wow you are good", "wow you are brillant" but how will you react to it? Some, being too engrossed in seeking praises will form arrogance in life due to those actions they carry out in hopes of deriving praises*

Saturday, had a strum & sing lesson, it was alright, learned new stuff. After the lesson, i took my ps2 to mark hse where je wk and i will spend our afternoon. We played we11 and dragonball budokai3. At night, mark went to din with his family, while je, wk and me went hougang plaza. We ate and went to play pool, je went home after 1 round while i and wk played all the way till 11:45... then we became boliao and sat on the stairway till 2:30am... coz... he had no bus home and he wanted me to go mark hse sleep -.-"

*Do people want friends? i seriously think so. Humans are social beings, everyone of us will meet up with other people in our life, be it short or long. Some people want friends for benefits, some people want friends to get rid of boredom, but what do friends really mean? When we humans are young, we are innocent, not taught to see the dark side of the world, we may think that the world is filled with joy, pleasant people and no such word as cunning or devious. But as time goes on, we encounter injustice, people's different personalites, characters, attitude and thoughts etc. No one is identical and the way we accept different thoughts determine whether that friend can be a close or true friend*

Sunday, did nothing much... boring sunday, was mad in irc.

*What is a close or true friend? to me, a close friend is someone who treats u truly, with a real heart, that u occupy a place in his/her heart perhaps, while a true friend is someone that have no thoughts of betraying, jealousy, or look as u as an inferior person, someone that wholeheartedly gives you support and seriously think of giving a helping hand whenever needed. True friend is someone you wont feel anything being with him/her. Its hard to find because almost everyone thinks of themselves 1st. Imagine that if your friend is in trouble, will you try your very best to help him/her? or more drastically a situation whereby its either you or your friend that die, will you be willing to die for him/her, discount the BGR thing which affect people's thinking and that will be your answer. Even minor things show what other people think*

I am having a brain block today.

Second Pool Day In Three

2005-07-21T22:31:00.000-07:00

Hi, just came back from guitar lesson.

Thursday, Test day!! What i studied did not strike the lecturer's brain apparently... And he seem to have a "telepathy blackmarker" that jinxed me and made him set questions that i did not take much notice in, terrible test haha. Anyway, things got on and we were dismissed at 2.30. Having guitar lesson later in the evening, we went to play some pool in Amk Kpool 1st before embarking on our long walk back to school. Guitar lesson was alright and i went home after that.

*Must people always seek every opportunity to prove that they are great? Does the word fairness exist in this world? Is there a god or a legacy of impartial rule that run the world with justice? Is the world blinded with greed and self-conscious? Will there be undoubted loyalty and faith among people when the situation is drastic? Having a rich life or a fruitful life is better? Having Blood Type O or AB is better? Seek or give happiness is more fulfilling? Life is a form of sadness*

Hidden Thoughts

2005-07-20T22:45:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, had autocad and lab as normal day lessons, attended a delayed briefing about choosing a extra module. Jap, French, German langauges, still not sure what to choose though. Went home after it.

*Changes occur everywhere, causes of it are countless. People are borned with an ability to sense, to analyse a deed or say and determine what might have prompted it. Ego is a thing to have and a thing to let go, praises are good and bad, it's all down to a controlling mind to balance it up. Changes can be caused by excessive actions which instill a "one mighty great" into one's mind, power corrupts people, fame sway innocent hearts, overwhelming egoistic thoughts deprive a consequence view of actions. So much so that dictatorship comes into play with detouring critics wishing to convey messages of an empire, with different social hierarchy*

Long Time No See

2005-07-19T23:06:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, it was quite a worrying day, i did not do my maths assignment and the 1st period is maths tutorial. After maths tutorial is maths lecture... during the interval between them, mark presented his PD project to his PD teacher, a conventional parachute method to prevent the egg from cracking upon dropping it from 4 story high. Late for maths lecture, we had no back seats to occupy... those left available were those closest to the lecturer. We sat on those and listened to the lecture, but it was revision and we were supposed to do some work. Being lazy, we did not bother to do anything during the lecture, just listened. Typical tuesday again, Ponned the e-learning lesson and went to kpool with mark, dennis and beng hong. we had fun and left after about 2hrs for lunch. soon after, we parted ways and i proceeded to my godmother place, quite a long period of time passed since i had been there. Nephews still as cute as ever, played with them and ate my godmother's delicious cooking at night, yum, i love the curry haha. Anyway, thats about the end of the day. Just came back home and went online after that.

*It may be more satisfying to have freedom, to do what you want. But never forget those that cared for you as you should repay that care towards them. A relationship will not be forgotten for a lifetime, kinship should be appreciated for a lifetime. For both - true caring hearts are involved, since the day you are borned*

Day of Mistaken Test Ended with a rainbow somewhere

2005-07-18T22:38:00.000-07:00

Monday, by right, i thought that there would be a test today. Only to find out that it is on thursday... not today. Anyway, it's good as i never prepare well. Mark lost his mouse as we couldn't find it when we reached school... we splitted and went to our respective classes and met up after the lessons when he went to make a report. we then had lab and lecture and went to a tutorial room to spend some time before our guitar lesson. I had 10 Shui Kuey! quite nice. the guitar lesson was fun! somewhere over the rainbow! haiz but not the full piece though... wat a disappointment, but better than nothing ba. After lesson, came home already, never do anything much.
*An event that occurred cannot be undone, a tainted memory can never be erased easily, the only thing we can do is to live with it, justify it and follow the right path portrayed in our mind* - Right or Wrong is determined by Human minds. How will you distinguish them?

Aftermath of a busy week

2005-07-18T00:30:00.000-07:00

Sunday, tried to study today, but inevitably slept twice while reading, haha, the test later on will be a bad one i suppose. Anyway, nothing much to write about except that my mother continued to try out her siew mai skills :/ acceptable ba haha. Ok, time for bed and school.

Friday - Saturday Events

2005-07-17T01:40:00.000-07:00

Friday came back home and felt tired, slept early lolz.

Friday, went to school with my windbreaker, felt like having a cold, didnt want to make it worse. Ta da... for the 2nd friday in a row, i had a bad time with beng hong, ironically, the same period of the day, the e-learning period before autocad. Last week, i pushed him aside coz he was talking rubbish when i was doing some serious stuff and got frustrated... Now, he asked me to help him do and i really didnt have faith in getting all correct yet coz i donno all the questions. I told him that and he gave me an eye impression which he always does so oftenly after last friday and i got irritated and voice out. After that, we went for autocad and then met my secondary school friends in sgoon gardens for a prata dinner! Had mee goreng that wasnt very nice lolz. Then we went to kelvin's hse to daidee... and ps2... he donwan take monopoly out to play :( haha anyway, after that, we went home and sleep liaoz. *thought - i believe that everyone shud contribute their maximum effort not to let others think that they are being mistaken or felt accused or feel anything bad.*

Saturday, had my lunch and then went to cut hair... CUT HAIR ONLY! but my wk and mark kept asking me to dye hair, and so... i accepted to dye... haiz... i didnt like having other colour... anyway, we spent the whole day there and then went to take our dinner and went home. online, we chatted about many things, personal stuff. haha and now, i am gonna sleep!!! tml need to study whole day. night *thought - peer influrence are crucial, personally believed to be the most influrential substance in growing up*

Sorry for this bad article, was rushing off :P

Busy Week - 3 Days continual

2005-07-14T22:26:00.000-07:00

Today Thursday! 4got to write for tuesday on tuesday and no time for yesterday on wednesday :D

Tuesday, typical skipping of e-learning, this week's was no exception. After maths tutorial and lecture, mark and i went to the library and helped beng hong and dennis on their project... auto cup stir... auto pool balls arrangement... auto poker cards shuffle...auto moving shoes -.-". anyway, at the end, they decided to make a handphone alerting device. Ok, we went library and crapped there, Mark got crazy and lie on the floor with his legs on the door knob... After passing some time there, a group of other students came and said that they had booked the conference room which reminded us that our booked time was over. we then went for the last tutorial class and went home after that. At home, i wrote the blog for monday and 4got to write for the day itself. Went to lalaland early that day :D

Wednesday, had my dental appointment on this day. It was an early day, autocad break and lab, i had to go early becoz of my dental appointment and i told my teacher, but it was needless... the lesson ended 2hrs earlier... Went to NDC in Outram for dental which was pretty quick and went back to hougang the join up with wk, je and mark for pool. we played till 6 and went for meal, je excluded as he had gone home for dinner. After eating, we three went to mark house to supposedly do lab report. We did, but slightly only haha, then we went my house... played some ps2... and mark went to sleep as usual. Having nothing to do, i went to sleep for 3hours before going to school on thursday also.

Thursday, supposed to be a tired day, but after 3hrs of sleep, i felt energetic... not bad, by right we were on time to be puntual, then mark and wk played a game of ps2 which made us 15mins. although it doesnt matter. passed the day as usual and was released arnd 2. Practically nothing to do... so... we spent the time getting into empty tutorial rooms... get a chair as pillow... mat the guitar cover on the floor and lie in the tutorial room and sleep! We were kicked out twice becoz some guys have lessons in the room we were in. Its wasn't a bad experience though, quite relaxing haha. at 5, we decided to quit sleeping and go take pictures for our report, then went to canteen for some refreshment and head on to sports hall... sitted there for an hour and our guitar lesson started. After guitar, mark's parents fetched us home and here i am :D

Worst possible beginning of a busy week to come

2005-07-12T20:55:00.000-07:00

hihi, yesterday came home lie on sofa and fell asleep already, didn't come online.

Monday - woke up feeling pretty fine... anticipating a fun day as i decided to join my friends, mark, je and wk for pool during my school break and i have guitar lesson. Reached school at 10:10 to attend my 1st lesson of the day. minute by minute, the time passed, chatted with robin, jason and daniel and found out that they are mmorpg guys also haha... too bad, i decided to quit mmorpg games as i felt that there isn't any nice mmorpg around these days... 10:30... 10:40... 10:50... i waited for 40mins and the teacher haven't come! what the hell... last week... he came at 10:29 or 10:39 without teaching matertials and cancelled the lesson, now? didn't even come! Anyway, i decided to leave and went on to meet my friends for pool. Haha, they actually wanted to meet at 10:40 :/ but they were late also and wk didn't come. Eventually, we played at 11+ till 2:45, it was going well at 1st... But i guadually felt feverish and weak. After playing, we went to NYP to have a meal and begged je to attend our lecture with us, but he declined and left for home. After lecture, beng hong accompanied us to sit on the stairway and wait for our guitar lessons... feeling feverish, i lie on the ground and rested. 6:30 soon came and we went for our guitar lesson to learn some new chords and songs. After guitar lesson, mark's mother fetched the both of us and i went to a nearby clinic to see a doctor. Falling sick frequently recently, i asked the doc questions and confirmed my thinking of a potential immunity decline, maybe my time's up :/ haha... yea after that, i went home for dinner and practically slept after that.

Weekend

2005-07-11T00:04:00.000-07:00

forgot to post on saturday :/ so here's for both days

Saturday - hmm... saturday... i woke up having sorethroat yet again... getting used to it already, maybe my throat just doesn't like me :P the whole day, i practically did nothing much. watched some world pool championships... played some gunbound with kelvin, mark, wk, je and chatted with friends online. This night ended early for me as i watched some part of fang shi yu part 2 and went to bed. - Life is boring till the day you find something meaningful to do and work for.

Sunday - around the same as saturday, gunbounded with kelvin, wk, je and darren. Then kelvin asked me about relationship stuff and i spoke about this blog of mine where i wrote some stuff on my thoughts and feelings. He was kind of curious and wanted the link to read and appease his curiousity, but i was sitting the the fence whether or not should i let friends read it, so i decided to let fate decide for me and didnt tell him the URL. The rest of the day, i did some project work... although little as there's really not much to type, watched tv and ate with my family. My mother made siew mai! woo... although her cooking isn't
that nice, the siew mai was delicious :/ yea, my brother eventually went back to tekong after the meal and thats about it.

Long missed fridays

2005-07-08T23:01:00.000-07:00

Friday - haha~ today really had fun. it has been a relative long period since i went out with my secondary school friends. Although today, the number lessened due to some having some other programmes to attend to. So, we eventually only had 4 of us to company one another haha... we went to kelvin's serangoon garden club for dinner, had grilled chicken chop :/ and went on to play pool and billard. it was 9:45 when we left and head to the prata shop for some prata snack :P very nice, much better than the infamous jalan kayu "attitude" prata :D. Yup, had fun and went back home after it. To think we cancelled our chomp chomp dinner becoz of the lack of people, i almost ended up staying at home rotting haha, luckily kelvin suggested to go eat in his club instead. If not... i will live through yet another boring friday-weekends...

Mosquitoes attack

2005-07-07T22:22:00.000-07:00

wah... just found out my house infested with mosquitoes! have like 4 bites at my left elbow? and many more all over? countless! haha, nah, not that bad, but there are really lots of mosquitoes! must use pesticide already. ok, today is my guitar 2nd day :P learned a part of ode to joy by Beethoven :D fun haha. To think i almost missed the lesson due to my tiredness haha, i went home after school and watched zheng banqiao recorded on sunday... then world pool championships... and the bad part came, i got tired and closed my eyes for a mere few seconds. Knocked off! and its only thanks to a call from my friend that woke me up... just in time to go for guitar but afew minutes late though... tml long day ah! haiz...

Boredom

2005-07-06T22:10:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, Lessons lessons... then went to mark hse to supposedly do project, yea, did something, but nothing much also lol then went back home... watch tv... eat... and come update this blog. haiz, boring day, supposed to play badminton after school... but my friend made a last minute U-turn and said he don feel like playing... tml guitar, should and surely must be a better day :P or i can go die already~

Tuesday routine

2005-07-05T07:50:00.000-07:00

ahlo, hoho, my tuesday is getting into a routined skipping of e-lesson and derive fun from doing other things! Last week, we went to kbox... then kpool... Today, we passed the kbox thing and kpooled as we need to head back to school for our tutorial lesson. Haha, maybe next week gonna be some sort of a same routine? ohh yea... and guess wat, we took cab from nyp to amk for pool and back to nyp after we played, $5.70 in total... which is... approximately $1.15 - $1.20 for the transport!, haha, maybe we should have walked, but it seem to be worth it too... coz... we are all lazy souls :D. Ok, its the end for today, tml i will be playing badminton! one on one with 1 of my friend, must win him :P

Guitar Day

2005-07-04T22:16:00.000-07:00

Monday - hohoho... 1st day of guitar lesson!, ok, today, i went to sch as usual, lessons, lectures, lab etc... then we went to thomson plaza to get something for our project and rushed home to get our guitars and eventually head back to school! then came the fun part, guitar lesson! although the 1st lesson doesn't teach much, i enjoyed it as i finally get to learn something i am interested in! maybe i shud ask my auntie to teach me piano eh? i really love music ever since sec 3. yea, cant wait for thurs which i will attend my next guitar lesson :D

Satisfied Day

2005-07-03T23:53:00.000-07:00

Sunday - hoho... today never really went online, only now at night, after the NKF cancer show. Didnt really do anything much, but it satisfied my day, at least, not sitting around doing nothing. basically... i just watched tv, but the programmes are quite interesting with world pool championships taking up most of my viewing time. then came the NKF cancer charity show i mentioned above. Yea... at least i spent my time seeing somethings i am quite interested in. tml will be the offically day i finally start to learn guitar. Lets hope its a pleasant day.

Going On

2005-07-02T22:20:00.000-07:00

Saturday - Typical weekend! bored to death already, stayed at home... ate lunch... ate dinner... watch tv... see computer... type some sentences... played some playstation and thats all -.-" that sum up my typical weekend, boring right? haha, nothing to do at all... study? i don like to study. Haiz... hope i can find something to do during the weekends. Yea, must quit thinking about some things and find some constructive things to do. Lets hope i will be enlightened tml! and kickstart my weekend which died off since i got on to my poly life.

An unchanged week

2005-07-01T22:09:00.000-07:00

Friday - sad day. Today, i attended lessons as usual, lectures... elab... cad... which ended at 5. Decided to skip volleyball which i don have much interest in the 1st place, so i went home immediately after leaving sch. At home, i went online, after a week, my friend came online, i was kinda delighted but after msging her, i realised that she's still cold towards me. i didnt noe wat to say nor ask, felt quite sad, i don really noe how to explain it, its quite depressing, its like everything is being pulled down and i cannot do anything about it.

A day of station playing

2005-06-30T22:10:00.000-07:00

Today is a thursday~ boring elap lessons! by right, my sching should end at 3pm today, but last lesson was cancelled! so, after attending other lessons till 12, we went to play badminton for a short while. After getting sweaty, we went for our lunch and ponder upon what should we do next... having no other appealing options, we eventually ended up in my house lol... but what for? Play 4hrs 30mins of playstation! crazy... but boredom is worse haha, yup, we ended the craze at arnd 8pm and i went online after seeing my friends through my home door. I found out i really miss my friend quite alot... not sure how to put it lol, i asked about her through her sister who didnt reply as she came online and went offline almost immediately, donno got see my msg anot lol... hope tml long day in school wont be bored :)

Change of location

2005-06-29T22:25:00.000-07:00

hihi, haha, just realised friendster will email people if i update my blog, lolz, donwan to irritate others, so i transferred all here instead :D headache gone finally haha, today didnt do anything much... just that i ate punggol nasi lemak! very long never eat that, muahaha so nice haha. ok, thats all for today, boring day :)

Blog Birthday - Imported from friendster

2005-06-29T14:48:00.000-07:00

Skipping to play - 28/06/05
Tuesday - sigh, headache for 4 consecutive days already... okok, back to blog, normally, i would have my lessons till 4pm every tuesday... but the last lesson was cancelled and the lesson before it was an e-learning period. haha yea, e-learning is boring like hell, i mean, on one forces u to do something and being the lazy me, i wouldn't sit there and read the dead words! So, a bunch of us decided to leave school after our maths lecture and we went to kbox and kpool at amk, had fun, but went home quite early also lolz. at home, i went online and watched tv, my friend didn't came online and i didn't had a chance to ask nor chat with her lolz. lets hope tml a better day for my head, stupid headache

Usual day in school - 27/06/05
Monday - Today is the beginning of a new week, i went to school... attended lessons... but with the headache that caught up with me during the weekends... it never felt better and worsen when we eventually went to play pool in amk's snookerium after school. I decided that i shouldn't be playing as i seriously felt like vomiting, so i told my friends... and went home just after about an hour of play. At home, i rested the whole day, on the sofa and went online during the night. Yup, a typical day but feeling sick, hope i will feel better tml :) and maybe follow my friends to kbox :D

Blog Birthday - Thoughts - 26/06/05
Hi All, i decided to start a blog to write about... myself. This is my 1st ever "diary" entry in my entire life lolz...
yea... following some blogs of my friends that i browsed before... i also felt like writing about my life's ongoings, some things that are too late to say to others... some things that is stored in my mind and some thinkings that i felt which can't be easily said out to someone i know. The sort of thinkings that - sometimes... wanting others to know, but sometimes... don't know how to ask or say it out.
This week is a weird week for me... it was great at first... but worsen as each day passes.
The main part of this week was the fact that my dad had two free tickets for a movie - batman begins on wednesday, never really thought of watching it at 1st... but my father kept asking me to watch it, perhaps with a friend. So i ponder on who to ask so as to make use of my father tickets which he seemingly wants me to. Being my sensitive self, i decided not to ask 1 of my close friend to watch it with me as disagreements seem to increase after discovering our difference in thoughts{or maybe i am being too sensitive, but i am still the old me that always [think about stuffs to find a conclusion on it(nvm if you don't comprehend what i said :)]}. Actually, i do have friends, friends that i hope will never lose contact from, but i can't ask any of them to watch it with me due to my character, a sickening character to me which made me suffer quite a lot. Basically being a guy that don't really crap alot and straightforward which i think, made some people don't know how to communicate with me. So... i don't have many friends to ask, and there were only two, 1 was said above, and the other(that i asked) is a girl who i never really met or went out before.
Monday was a usual day for me in school, nothing much in it except that my sorethroat worsen after a weekend of durian and satay :P
Tuesday... honestly, i was overwhelmed with a strange feeling(fear and anxious mixture) because the next day will be the movie day and it is the 1st day i will be out alone with a girl instead of a group gathering. I know very well that i aren't an entertaining guy, maybe due to how my life and thinking develop and change after needing to handle some family stuff at a young age which i don't think is a suitable age for being told some breaking news, but life continues, what done can't be undone, it maybe be bad to be thinking and behaving this way sometimes as i offend friends and hurt myself, but i do feel that i became more sensible. Yup, so, on that day i went back home, lying on my sofa thinking about the next day as i want my friend to have a present day out with me. I knocked off, only to wake up feeling ill. I rarely see a doctor for sickness unless i really feel that it has become too much for me, but that day was different, i want to see a doctor and hope that i would recover the next day. So, I went to a doc, took the medication and went home. Back home, i went online and chatted, and there came this sentence i said which i feel wasn't wat i really want my friend to think what i meant. i said "at the clinic, the... ahem(how do i address those two working at the "reception" or "pharmacy"? nurse or doctor assistants? hmm, i am dumb lolz...) said i am tall... handsome and looked like ou xiang(idol)." well... i indeed felt happy about that comment... but i am not a guy that thinks the world should be run by appearance although everyone(i think) including me wants to look nice. Yup, and so, i told my friend that and thought about what she may think and concluded that she may think that i am boasting about it which i really don't. i dislike having misunderstandings which i think makes other define me as another person than what i really am but nothing can be perfect so i didn't wanted to explain much about it which may worsen. I mean... how do i explain it in a way that it can be tuned to the way i think? everyone thinks differently... haha... i am a sensitive idiot, aren't i?
Wednesday, this is the day which i... had fun but also disappointed in myself. We went for the movie which is at night and went home after that. Although my friend said she enjoy herself, i felt that i should have been more interactive, perhaps i was too shy haha... But i sure am a quiet guy.
Thursday, This day, i went out with my EoD friends for the initial-D movie which to me, is nice but lack of the climax i am looking forward to. it's a more comedic-orientated movie which is entertaining. After the movie, it was time for the pre-planned seoul garden dinner which i have to give it a miss due to my reluctance to eat "heaty" food which i know will make me fall sick and the ulcer, perfectly placed to irritate any movement made by my mouth... its at the bottem of the bottem jaw's gum, infront of my front tooth, sitting at the connection between my gum and my chin's skin, it can't be any worse, can it? So i went home and spent the rest of the day.
Friday, this is the day i felt confused. After the bothersome 8am - 5pm school, i played table tennis with a friend of mine in poly till 8:30pm and made my way to hougang plaza for a dinner with my family as my brother came back from his NS - physical training. After the late hearty dinner, i went home and on the laptop to go online. Here, i chatted with my friends, but i felt that the friend who watched the movie with me was cold towards me. Being the sensitive me, i felt weird. This continued for the whole of saturday and i was wondering what happened till now... Perhaps i should take the initiative and ask.
Yup, feeling lost during the whole weekend, i decided to write something to make me feel better. At least, to figure out the weird feeling i felt. But i don't really know what to write either... i don't know what exact words express what i think, but i just wanted to write out something to dissolve this fluctuated feeling.