It's Over

Chicken Murtabak!? Just half of it made me give up! so full! 1st time i felt full even before finishing my meal... thats rare, thinking that i didnt have a heavy lunch earlier in the day... But i finished it though, lolz... After dinner, we went icecube for some deserts... but i was so full and my friend wanted me to get something, instead, i went for a ride where i discovered another route to my godmother hse from serangoon gardens. Got back after touring around and went pool with wk, len and mark. Played till 10+ and got home eventually. Watched some tv, felt tired and went lalaland after that :D

It had been two months. Not even a word was interchanged between us, i don't have an answer to the reason for it. Although i would like to know why, i didnt ask but i got my reasons for not asking.

It's nice to have someone who is special, someone who can share ur burden and joy, to show concern for and to be concerned. It's something like acknowledgement, people would like to be part of someone's life, feel attended to, feel like "being someone", finding acknowledgement of yourself, having someone to acknowledge you, having importance in someone.

I didnt wanted friends to read about this blog where i started due to the confusion i got, but some read it becoz i posted it in friendster at 1st due to friendster emailing system and then on irc where i spilled it, talking about a blog. My friends found it as its my usual kcsh88 and read about it. Being curious, they wanted to know the whole story, i understand, i will get curious too, but there's somethings that can't be said. I will say part of it here.

To my curious friends,
Indeed, like i said, it's like a dream to have a company, it's a want, but not a "chiong" where despos do. Perhaps it's also part of curiosity as to what feelings do people feel to have a company, but frankly, it's what everyone will want. Although my determination is quite fickled, i am someone who leaves it to fate.
Having my flaws, i lack of the confidence that i need for my pursue for a ideal relationship, it's like giving it your best shot, i mean, i got friends' friends, friends, or even brother who treats their gf in a manner i don't wish i would. I want my special person to be happy, perhaps not the happiest, but the happiest i could. I was not ready for it in my heart, i know it, but she said she liked me and i opened up. That's the reason i will not say her name nor anything relating. In fact, i felt she doesn't really suit me, we have our differences, and thats the reason why i never asked, i didnt noe whether i really liked her, or is it just becoz we never talked. These things are easily confused, Love, Like, Attention, i didnt really figured out what i felt, even till today, i won't really know, but i got over it and felt more confident. Anything it is, It's Over about this issue... maybe till i figured out more things. So ah... my answer is also emphasized here... i am sorry but i will not say and hope you guys don't ask about it already, it's not i don't treat u guys as important friends, you all are important to me, i said many times, i am a sentimental guy, people that crossed my life, everyone of you friends are important to me, but whether i am towards u guys are for u guys to say. I had my regrets about some people in sec3 or 4, but it's the way life is, people think their way, and we think our way. Ok... that's all i got to say, i will definitely tell u guys when i got my feelings right or clear-cut. There's nothing to hide from friends except things that may implicate others.