Where is my True Light?

It do seems now that whenever i blog, i am blogging about something in the darkness. When your life is on the uphill, you have plenty of good stuffs to write about; When your life is on the downhill, hell knows you are part of their membership. I had my good times, and now, it seems that everything is coming to a crumble. As people grow, we experience more stuffs, encounter more happenings, understand how devious a person can get. Maybe i should have gone to a JC 1st instead, i am not quite ready to be up against some injustice. I am a justice-seeker... Why am i suffering due to that? It's gimme me a headache, or am i just getting worked up early due to my sensitive self...? Only time knows the answer. I have to admit, i am of the weaker hearted.

What am i? I had been coming up against some injustice that i had met, believing that i did the right thing, addressing for those who got let down for some people trying to seek enjoyment, not only friends, but strangers as well. But what i feeling now is not what i would feel as the person i used to be, not the person who believe such stuffs anymore, not the person who believe that justice prevails. I want to be a good guy, and to be a good guy, i will have to sacrifice some stuff, that's what i found out in my 16 years living. But some stuff cant be sacrificed, especially when others are trying to make u sacrifice that... it doesn't seem right to let it go and let the other party claim what they want, it doesn't match the way a perfect world should be, it doesn't befit the ideal world every child should have in their mind till their get to know stuffs. The world to me now... Is a snatch, i donwan to get involved in it, but i am feeling it already. When will it drastically be my turn to be at the receiving end? Soon, i propose... sadly. But at least, i still believe i am determined enough not to be at the villian end.

Sciences, maths, languages, which is the biggest subject we people need to learn? none of these... it's communications. It's ideal if everyone get the actual meaning of what you want to say, but it's terrible if everyone get the wrong meaning of what you want to say. It is kind of doing injustice too... But i understand that miscommunications do take place and misunderstandings do occur. That's why i wish that communication can be an easier skill to master, not for me alone, but for everyone. Whenever a miscommunication took place, explainations will do a heavenly job. But explainations are communications too, and they may be misinterpretted too. Maybe, unconsciously, that's the reason i started and wanted a blog too. To explain in a private room where you can slowly think and get the right message out, like an open book exam with ample amount of time, or... infinite amount of time. That helps too.

People are difficult to explain, different people acts differently and behaves differently. But when u found something about some people you know, there's an urge to tell others what u felt, hoping to get some answers, or to warn others. But on the other view, those can become gossips which provide misunderstandings. Hard to get everything right, right? i surely thinks so. What we can try, is to get most things right, but it's hard to get most thing right when no one really understand what kind of person are you, especially when you aren't a person that talks often. That do explain part of my life. I don't usually talk about myself, don't really like doing so... but when some bad incidents happen... i really feel like letting people i concern, and hope they are concern about me know. To have someone that understand some of your plight, share some of your burden with consolations... But what are consolations when others will never feel the state you are in? perhaps similiar, but never identical. You can only thank them for letting you know that they are by your side, at least, to feel that there will still be people around you even when you perceive the world hopeless.

Modern games are a threat to friendships. People tends to compare themselves to others. Heard this? "Who is more pro?", this will be a talking point in every modern games there are now, even among friends. It wasn't till afew years ago when i discovered this... prior to this, i had played some modern games with some friends, and never encountered that sort of feeling till that few years ago. in those earlier times, friends fight for each other, never getting upworked by each other much, and i respect that. I miss those times seriously... But it's all over, i had seen the other side, and this convey the same meaning in real life. People now can get fired up with friends who burden their game plan... it can be understood in same way as... "i donwanna waste my time" but... think about the other side, what do friends really mean? i believe that friends should be supportive. Having talked to some other internet friends, the friendships among me are kind of different from theirs, its partially here and there, but they are all good friends to me... just not the way i really wanted to be in... some of them though, not all. Together with this, i learned about peer influrence, it's a big thing to me, 1 of the biggest thing that will affect people lives. Studying is also about peer influrence, some may think, primary school? anyhow choose loh... all the same, smart kids get smart grades. Yes, people have different learning abilities, some learn fast, some learn slow, some like studying, some don't, all people tends to learn things they like faster. And what makes them like stuffs? when they try stuffs. That's why peer influrence is a big thing to me, as people often starts trying things their friends do. this relates to sentences, "it takes a longer period to like a guy than to hate a guy", "once you try a drug, you will get addictted to it". No, i don't really mean the meaning of the sentences, but i do want to extract the positive and negative effects of the sentences. Seemingly, it takes longer period for good things compared to bad things. And that's perfectly true, never to be doubted. what do i mean by, the same as? well... when someone taste something bad but feels good, he will continue to do that, it's addictive, even though you know it's bad. And seemingly... all bad things are addictive... becoz its the faster route to get stuffs and an easier route to derive pleasure. That's what i mean.

Upon writing this sentence, "it takes a longer period to like a guy than to hate a guy". It reminded me of the article by which this blog started. How is it possible for two person to completely end all conversations between them when it is a just afew days ago when it's seemingly endless? Don't get the wrong idea of this few sentences that i wrote about an issue i wanted to close up. I don't want to go into a relationship that easily and that eagerly, but i just don't understand why. that's all.

I am kind of a busy person lately, having involved in two projects and a game and it isn't a time for me to update my blog, but i just felt there are things in my mind that i needed to write out. So i poped in here and write those things i had in mind...

*Think about this: What is your 1st impression when a friend tells you he is a busy person?*

Think about it first :)
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I always thinks about the words i say, and i added those words to let you think about the sentence i said in the * *. Although what i meant about "busy person" is not in the manner i said before the * *, it may have some a little effect on it, and what u felt is what friendship means. Of coz... it will be different with different friends.