Feeling Extremely Down - ZzZ

no words can describe how i feel now, i am in a serious deep shit, i can't seem to cool myself down and i doubt i can control myself if it was any much worse, it just feels as though i want to resort to violence to vent my frustrations, it's like a internal fight inside myself, even after 2 hrs, which is now, my head is pounding hard, the veins are pumping blood so hard it is so easily felt.

How it came about? well, mainly, it was the exam i had today.

I had been trying to study and buck up after knowing that i had slacked way too much, i did not listen to lectures, i did not listen in most of the tutorials, and even i did, it just goes out the next day, so basically, i don't know anything the teachers taught. And that leads to another sickening problem.

I tried to study, worried sick about it, and eventually got sicked, probably got infected with the flu virus from a classmate. My body can't get itself working, my brain seems frozen and my head is pounding. But i still have to study for it, right? and i did, i tried my best, studying according to the requirements set by the teacher, and the main thing is that he said formulas will be given, those long ones at least.

And what happened? Only one formula was given, freak? a quater of the paper have got to be smoked out? what is this? i studied for 75marks? after being assured that long formulas will be given? ass.

That's the core problem for my heart exploding feeling, but another added on to it.

Yang Shu Ting, what did i owe her? She remarked, "i saw through ken, he's a selfish guy." WTF?

It seems as though i am obliged to do all her stuff for her. I am frustrated by this term, with myself for not listening in class, i am some sort struggling, and maybe i did not show it? She still treat me as though i am a god and a smart ass knowing every stuff and able to decipher every word the teacher says. DON BE THAT DUMB AND SUPERFICIAL PLEASE, i am just me, not a bloody god. Thinking of what made her say that.

She asked for help in miniproject, and PLEASE, does it seem that i have finished mine or even know what to do? I have no idea of any module taught this term for the bloody fact of the world.

After asking KS to sit beside her during exams, my friend probably asked why and why don sit with ken, and she said those words. Woo, so now i am obliged to provide her answers to the exam during exam itself with teachers around and risking being caught. And it's not like getting caught is the problem. Exams and tests, i tried to help them after i finished, some exams, i couldnt finish in time myself, and some exams, i waited inside for them to ask questions before leaving, never with the bother of getting caught, but of coz, with caution, and what i get from it? I am not complaining, but where hell is that selfish word coming from.

No problem, u can say i am selfish, it's ur mouth, but please spare a thought for me as well, i have my own problems, i am struggling myself, how can a dying man help others, is that possible? If u are so great about the selfish and not selfish thing, why not say u are selfish for being so narrow and think that people never help u even thought he have his own problems to deal with. ZzZ