Relieved

i got back my examinations' results on the 20th, wed. I was at mark house that time and when he found out that the results were out - past midnight, i was pondering whether i shud log in to check. I knew i screwed some papers up, namely machine elements and programming, and together with mechanical design which i got a C during CT got me worried sick. i knew i couldnt afford to let my GPA slip that much, i'll disappoint people around me and myself as too much of life depends on it. So, i took my time, wondering if i shud have a good night there 1st b4 checking it the other day, but it was quite foolish actually, i would have thought about it thruout the night, so i went to check. I scrolled and browsed thru the results quickly, keeping a lookout for the modules i felt i did badly. Amazingly, i got a couple of distinctions and the rest were As, i felt so relieved and happy at the moment, knowing it was a huge escape from too much "bo chap"ness, slackness, and reliance. And that was it, my 3rd term in poly was over and i'll have to put in more effort next time around, i would not want to feel so stressed up and worried about it anymore. All the best everyone!

In search of lost time - bro's 21st

It had been afew months since i went to my godmother's house, the place where i grew up. It was like my 2nd home, going there after or before school till night when my parents came to fetch me home. Memories of things that happened there is still vividly stored in my mind, and whenever i recalls them, my eyes would become moist, those were the early days, when i was still crawling, learning to walk, had fun, quarrel, everything, and it will always hold a special place in me.

I am closing in 18 now and my bro's 21st is on the next monday, 18th sep, how fast time can fly, the memories of some moments spent there is just overwhelming me now, those were years ago, when i was fed, when life seems so simple and pure with blessed love from people around me. Although i and my brother often quarrel during those days, some not really pleasant at all, but all the hatred then seems to have just vanished and those moments became so cherishable.

I decided to go visit my godmother today, and when i stepped into the house and looked arnd, things changed, but it wasnt much, it was when i laid down on the floor as i usually do in her house and talk to her that i felt the change, it just flashed by that i felt my godmother looked more aged, she don look the same as i remember her afew months ago, and those time when she had to scream at me for misbehaving or chasing me arnd feeding me. Nevertheless, she told me about USA and how she got so worried about london's terriorist attack that the customs seem to confiscate items even though they are not in our "dangerous weapons" bracket.

I spent the day there, chatting wif my cousins and playing wif my nephews, but the latter wasn't all smooth sailing! my younger nephew, aged 4 kinda 4got who i am! :/ he was sleeping on his "orh orh" or wat do u call it? the springs stretched up and down bed. Yup, and once he woke up, he pushed the door, almost shutted, allowing a gap, for his little eyes, ah!! why is a stranger in granny's hse!!! thats what he must be thinking :P my godmother and ah pek were like laughing at him, going about how could he 4got who am i and how could he be so shy being that naughty boy around the house. And it became worse! he captured my name from the laughter and conversations and called for me, asking me... err... when would i be going home! :/ some sort of getting chased out :P hahaha, it got me about half and hour to rekindle his affections for me haha, jk. We then played "baggage finding", which is actually to hide afew lego pieces and find them, how fast they grew!!! from babies to young kids knowing how to play hide and seek already! i even heard the elder 1, Bin Guang (younger - Bin Ken) knew how to play the XBox in his home already. Yea, and to ensure my victory - height is the essence of vision! :x but he found it anyway -.-" with my "ti ti ti" hints.

At night, i ate my dinner, curry chicken appears to be a nescessity to my godmother whenever i go over to her place now, and i will never be bore of eating it. After the meal, we fetch BG to his tuition centre and went back to pack some stuffs for me to bring home, she bought shoes and shirts for me in US, chocolates and the curry chicken, my cousin fetched me home in the end and that sums up the day i had in my godmother hse.

Saturday, 16th, my bro's 21st is on 18th and he had his party on the 16th as it was a saturday, instead of a monday. I went for guitar practice in the morning and got back only arnd tea time, everything was packed by then and i bathed to get myself ready. We got to the chalet, the old Costa Sands in East Coast, it was quite a run down old chalet whereby there were insufficient maintenance, perhaps due to the transition period. Anyway, it's called East Coast resort now. When we 1st got into our unit, it was quite dusty and the wall had some "off-paint", my mom sweeped when we went to get the BBQ pit(mind you, they earn lots! $24 for a pit, no outside pit allowed and? FULL HOUSE! who would stay in a chalet, even though kinda run down without bbqing??). We decor-ed abit and tried to hide the "off-paint" by pushing the table there. Arnd 6, the catering foodstuffs we ordered came, along wif relatives and friends, and it became chatty, makany, drinky, laughy and stuffy! we took pictures, candid ones and had fun around. I lost track of time, but we cut the cake quite late i guess, happy bday bro, the happy bday song will never be changed i think :/ but it doesn't bore that much either. The cake was delicious! chocolate frudge and some crisp with the respectable contents management. Little by little, people left and my bro went up to open presents with his sec friends arnd, did lots of nonsense in the room yea... the whole day ended with my bro, his gf and me spending the night there.

J: Good luck for ur o's, god bless u.

B: Don get nuty over arsenal's victory! :P they will go on a losing streak again! :x lolz.

Initially incompletely written on 14th sep, continued and posted - 21st sep.

when it lacks understanding

my exams are finally over and it's the beginning of the 6 weeks hols! time to recuperate.

*people spends time understanding another "again and again".* no one will understand perfectly what the other thinks, moreover, everyone changes.

everybody have their own problems, get vexed over it, tries to solve it, cope with it, or get along with it. the only difference between any will be the extent of it.

can anyone feel the exact same thing as another or understand the actual deepness of troubles filling the void mind when they come rumbling down like a shower of spikes.

that precise understanding is perhaps impossible, without the trust and selflessness.

no matter, the clear sky departed at a wrong time and i chose the wrong time and person to gain some comfort, if ever i needed any. i appreciated it very much at that moment, but maybe it needed more understanding, it's not making use, it's trust for any rarity i ever had for some. in any case, it started with my problem, so it only serves right to say sorry. disappointed, but whatever. we do have our own lifes to live.

i couldnt have done any better, time don allow any, or perhaps, except to take it in myself like i usually do. but thanks anyway, it made those supported days feel better.

lets work hard for everything we do.

rationality is something important at all times, not even when the world seems so dark can anyone let it go.