Feeling Extremely Down - ZzZ

no words can describe how i feel now, i am in a serious deep shit, i can't seem to cool myself down and i doubt i can control myself if it was any much worse, it just feels as though i want to resort to violence to vent my frustrations, it's like a internal fight inside myself, even after 2 hrs, which is now, my head is pounding hard, the veins are pumping blood so hard it is so easily felt.

How it came about? well, mainly, it was the exam i had today.

I had been trying to study and buck up after knowing that i had slacked way too much, i did not listen to lectures, i did not listen in most of the tutorials, and even i did, it just goes out the next day, so basically, i don't know anything the teachers taught. And that leads to another sickening problem.

I tried to study, worried sick about it, and eventually got sicked, probably got infected with the flu virus from a classmate. My body can't get itself working, my brain seems frozen and my head is pounding. But i still have to study for it, right? and i did, i tried my best, studying according to the requirements set by the teacher, and the main thing is that he said formulas will be given, those long ones at least.

And what happened? Only one formula was given, freak? a quater of the paper have got to be smoked out? what is this? i studied for 75marks? after being assured that long formulas will be given? ass.

That's the core problem for my heart exploding feeling, but another added on to it.

Yang Shu Ting, what did i owe her? She remarked, "i saw through ken, he's a selfish guy." WTF?

It seems as though i am obliged to do all her stuff for her. I am frustrated by this term, with myself for not listening in class, i am some sort struggling, and maybe i did not show it? She still treat me as though i am a god and a smart ass knowing every stuff and able to decipher every word the teacher says. DON BE THAT DUMB AND SUPERFICIAL PLEASE, i am just me, not a bloody god. Thinking of what made her say that.

She asked for help in miniproject, and PLEASE, does it seem that i have finished mine or even know what to do? I have no idea of any module taught this term for the bloody fact of the world.

After asking KS to sit beside her during exams, my friend probably asked why and why don sit with ken, and she said those words. Woo, so now i am obliged to provide her answers to the exam during exam itself with teachers around and risking being caught. And it's not like getting caught is the problem. Exams and tests, i tried to help them after i finished, some exams, i couldnt finish in time myself, and some exams, i waited inside for them to ask questions before leaving, never with the bother of getting caught, but of coz, with caution, and what i get from it? I am not complaining, but where hell is that selfish word coming from.

No problem, u can say i am selfish, it's ur mouth, but please spare a thought for me as well, i have my own problems, i am struggling myself, how can a dying man help others, is that possible? If u are so great about the selfish and not selfish thing, why not say u are selfish for being so narrow and think that people never help u even thought he have his own problems to deal with. ZzZ

A day of study turned recreational

My eyes have that swollen feeling again! and it botherrrrrrrrrrrs me so much i almost wanted to scoop it out of its nice nesty hole in my skull, haha jk.

Yea, i am feeling better already, and thanks for that comment from whoever lol.

Today, i was supposed to study with my friends, but it turned out to be a day of playing again. We skipped maths lecture, and went paradiz for a suki sushi buffet... YEA BUFFET AGAIN! last tuesday midnight, THEY ATE BUFFET TOO!!! and noW.. AGAIN!!! wth... nvm... i skipped last week, so today was alright haha. we went there too early though, so we went to spend some time in the arcade and went suki later on. makan makan makan, burp... so full again. Then, we went to... ARCADE again... another 1 though... cheaper... and amazingly, we stayed there for 4hrs? cool stuff... We Are SUPPOSED to STUDY!!! haha... and before we all start complaining to leave, it was already 6+.

We walked back to DG, to board MRT back, but it was not direct! the trains screwed up, maybe becoz of some "terrorist run out", as in a drill or smt, i'll need to watch the news later. Yea, so this was how it went about. DG is like the transfer central of both platforms, A(to HarbourFront) and B(to Punggol). B seems to be out of order, while passengers from A have to alight and board the free shuttle buses to HarbourFront... less known - to outram and sorts which will definitely post some inconvenience? - yea, but luckily, platform A's train moves backwards to Punggol, which is the direction of our destination, but it was so crowded! with practically 2 trains capacity of people squeezing in it. 1st time in a NEL train that moves backwards in the left lane eh? :/, but it eventually changed lane and we got home, YEA! :x.

Week 15 - Beginning of Exams

The 1st examination begin on friday, 28th, and it's one of the three modules i am most worried about.

I have been quite hot tempered during this weekend, getting irritated at whatever small matters that displeases me. Maybe i am collasping and losing control over myself on certain matters, but i'll be fine with some time. Anyway, i am sorry to those i vent some frustration on, although it's not without reason, but i wouldn't get so irritated on trival matters. Life sure is bothersome with a brain.

Alright, now to account on the week.

Wednesday, usual guitar, and Mark came along after a long lay off. It's great to have him there, as it feels as though the club is slowly declining, especially after the concert last year end where everyone was together. Lets hope everyone will once again practice week in week out when the concert gets closer. That night, Aaron wanted to play pool and i accompanied him till around 11 before going home to rest and prepare for the couple of on thursday.

Thursday, yea yea... tests, "device and interfacing" equiz and "mechanical design" written test. Both went by smoothly, but the big ones are coming up! Right, this day was the 1st, i emphasize~ 1st time that my class are more active in sports stuff in like 1 whole year. Some classmates wanted to play tennis, friends from aaron's class had soccer on that day, the closest class to ours in our course played basketball and one of my friend went jogging, well, with a motive :D.

I went together with my friends to find a tennis court at E side, Tennis CCA, gged(good game ed) and browsed thru the hockey pitch for Soccer signs, they were there, but i decided to give it a miss and go with my class instead. We proceeded to L side, to try our luck on the last two courts available. We fooled our way there, with Mark and Tony having a tennis ball fight -.-" and they also decided to have a peep on Dennis jogging with a girl he is currently wooing.

We reached L side and there was 1 court available, B3 was playing bball as planned. Eventually, with rackets being so limited... some of us joined them for bball. Not bad, it have been quite some time since i played bball, and it was only the early days of sec3 which Mark, Len, Adrian and I were actively picking up that sport, memories are so cherishable yea? but those days are over. But hey, it seem to reignite some fun i used to have. This day was fun.

Friday, "Maths" test, we came to sch earlier to revise some work and went on to the usual lessons and test. it was a short day and there was an event, but i was tired and didn't want to go for it. However, we went to grassroot club and spend on some on the gaming machines, notably the photoshop providing most of the fun. After that, i went home, napped, and pass the day as usual.

Saturday, Guitar Committee Election, just to vote on the various positions, it took quite long anyway, waiting for people sorts :/, we ate lunch in school and that concluded the day out basically, i went home and tried to study, but as usual, COULDN'T.

*SOS!!! I need to recuperate my mind!!! lolz...*

Steamboat Outing

Hi ya! Exams are just around the corner and so are my stressful days! Why didn't i listen in lectures! this is gonna be a bad sem, i am practically afraid of three papers, and the tests begin next week... Please give me a chance to repent with easy papers!

Back to the last article, the seoul garden thing i had on the next day, it went fine, i didnt gorge which i am particularly glad :/ and we had a fun day out, playing some pool, with three of them going kbox instead, money = water for them i think, haha. Anyway, the seoul garden was subsidized by Kel, not only me, but everyone, he won some money during the world cup fanatic which he, i reckon, put to good use!!! :x jk, thanks yea.

Yesterday, 18th July, we had an outing, steamboat, at err... 10:30pm to 2am. it was planned in like the last 5mins of the last lesson, 8:25-8:30. Three of my friends, two riders and 1 with a car, had planned to go geylang for some supper, and a joke about going for steamboat eventually turned out to be an outing suggestion as we don have lessons today, on wed. So, we went, i skipped the makan anyway, not planning to gorge myself on any more buffets at the time being, it really scares me off, my parents want buffet, my friends want buffet, everyone just wants buffet! I DONWAN BUFFET! for the time being at least :/ We chatted, some makaned, went to a lanshop to pass some more time and then going to geylang together for some you cha kuay and soya bean drinkss. Time passed relatively fast and it was 3+, not planning to stay around there for the 1st bus, we split into 5 groups and went home which sums up the day!